FireFox
Enlightened
- Apr 8, 2020
- 1,919
When I ctb at 30 years old at least I can say I tried so hard to improve my life. All I ever wanted was to be happy, in a career, relationship with a man who loved me and doing something meaningful with my life. I really tried so fucking hard to make things work out for the best but over and over again things keep going wrong so much has gone wrong this year. This is the worst fucking year ever.
Life is not for me I realise now. All my life I have struggled to fit in. My sheltered religious upbringing has disadvantaged me I hate my mother so muh for sheltering me because I don't know how to be a successful functional adult and cant navigate the world. My family think there is nothing wrong with me because I am a law graduate, not pregnant out of wed lock so young like other women in the family, not in rehab like other family members. I am seen as the model well behaved daughter. My family think I turned out fine and believe sheltered upbringing is good all because of they hard lives. I am 25 but mentally feel younger because of the sheltered upbringing and too different from my peers my age.
Suicidal people never wanted their loved ones to suffer and be left behind. All we want is the pain, the mental torment to stop. Right now I feel like I am drowning and struggling to stay above surface level. I feel like huge tidal wave is coming and I have no where to run too. I feel so alone with not a single friend in the world.
There is nothing that can give me relief for all this pain, anxiety and overwhelming hopeless except death. People judge the person who kills themselves but nobody saw their determination to live to make things work out. I fought so hard to give myself a good life now I am done fighting
Life is not for me I realise now. All my life I have struggled to fit in. My sheltered religious upbringing has disadvantaged me I hate my mother so muh for sheltering me because I don't know how to be a successful functional adult and cant navigate the world. My family think there is nothing wrong with me because I am a law graduate, not pregnant out of wed lock so young like other women in the family, not in rehab like other family members. I am seen as the model well behaved daughter. My family think I turned out fine and believe sheltered upbringing is good all because of they hard lives. I am 25 but mentally feel younger because of the sheltered upbringing and too different from my peers my age.
Suicidal people never wanted their loved ones to suffer and be left behind. All we want is the pain, the mental torment to stop. Right now I feel like I am drowning and struggling to stay above surface level. I feel like huge tidal wave is coming and I have no where to run too. I feel so alone with not a single friend in the world.
There is nothing that can give me relief for all this pain, anxiety and overwhelming hopeless except death. People judge the person who kills themselves but nobody saw their determination to live to make things work out. I fought so hard to give myself a good life now I am done fighting
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