Venting Suicide as a punishment

[Polyxo]

I just think I'm too bad to live in a world that's so good. Life is beautiful, people can be so kind, and all I do is take. All I do is leech off the people who care about me. Just recently I hurt my only friend by unknowingly betraying them and they told me that they thought we shouldn't be friends.

I don't deserve to live. No matter how hard I try changing, I'm just unable to find my place. The world doesn't need me and would be better off without me.

 

[Gustav Hartmann]

You should think it this way: I am bad, I am ugly and I am proud of it.

But if want to kill yourself for other reasons and the thought that you deserve a punishment helps you to commit suicide, it´s also o.k.

 

[Polyxo]

You should think it this way: I am bad, I am ugly and I am proud of it.

But if want to kill yourself for other reasons and the thought that you deserve a punishment helps you to commit suicide, it´s also o.k.

Thanks for the reply, Gustav. I appreciate intention. It's just really hard for me to be proud of myself for my flaws, especially when they're negatively impacting the lives of those I care about.

 

[Polyxo]

A recent conversation with my friend has left me empty. I told them that I would take some space to figure myself out and be a better person, so I could be a better friend to them. They seemed to have faith that I could do it. They said, "We'll be back one day."

But I don't know if I can face them again, even after fulfilling my promise to "become a better person" for them. My actions have compromised their trust. Now I feel like there's nothing holding me back from trying to CTB.

I want SN so badly. I daydream of it but it's so difficult to acquire.

 

[inverse-weibull]

A recent conversation with my friend has left me empty. I told them that I would take some space to figure myself out and be a better person, so I could be a better friend to them. They seemed to have faith that I could do it. They said, "We'll be back one day."

But I don't know if I can face them again, even after fulfilling my promise to "become a better person" for them. My actions have compromised their trust. Now I feel like there's nothing holding me back from trying to CTB.

I want SN so badly. I daydream of it but it's so difficult to acquire.

I relate to this a lot, and I'm really sorry you're stuck in this situation. It'd be hypocritical of me to offer advice, but the best I can say is that you don't deserve to die as some sort of punishment. Unless they committed some horrible atrocity, no one deserves death. If you choose to die, that's perfectly valid. No matter what you end up doing, I hope you're able to find peace.