Suicidal Thought are bother killing me mentally and are also keeping me alive

[Water-Lily]

And I don't want to change it. I have no desires rot help myself. I feel all this might manifest into some physical illness, or I will just suicide impulsively. I don't know what to do anymore. Whenever a person gives me genuine advice I shoot it down, lash out, and then start hating myself into a dangerous cycle

I want to escape thanks the the life long trauma put onto me by the abusers throghout my life. Yet because death is literally game over, I don't know if I want to finding peace for a bunch of nothingness

All I know is that as I stand I am burdening many people. I suck ass. I have to do a dumb group interview tomorrow that I have no way of being prepared for and I know I will lose out or get fired. Every bit of failure pushes me to suicide so whats the point

I just envy those who are already gone. I wish I had their strength. I think its my time to go

I also always complain about wanting t leave SS since any concept of getting better cannot exist when I am here for 5+ hours a day. But I can't. I like self sabotage too much.

 

[Crusader]

The reason is probably not knowing if and when to do it and the hope that life will change in a positive way.

 

[peelingbananas]

And I don't want to change it. I have no desires rot help myself. I feel all this might manifest into some physical illness, or I will just suicide impulsively. I don't know what to do anymore. Whenever a person gives me genuine advice I shoot it down, lash out, and then start hating myself into a dangerous cycle

I want to escape thanks the the life long trauma put onto me by the abusers throghout my life. Yet because death is literally game over, I don't know if I want to finding peace for a bunch of nothingness

All I know is that as I stand I am burdening many people. I suck ass. I have to do a dumb group interview tomorrow that I have no way of being prepared for and I know I will lose out or get fired. Every bit of failure pushes me to suicide so whats the point

I just envy those who are already gone. I wish I had their strength. I think its my time to go

I also always complain about wanting t leave SS since any concept of getting better cannot exist when I am here for 5+ hours a day. But I can't. I like self sabotage too much.

you still here?