Suicidal over intrusive thoughts?

[seekingrelease22]

I went through a traumatic sexual experience at age 14. Since then I've been having intrusive same sex sexual urges all the way till 20. It makes it hard to communicate with women or function. On top of that I've also used drugs heavily, this makes me suicidal as I feel I wasted my one life. I've been stuck in the past for years now. I'm unable to move on.