Suicidal ideation really is like climbing a cliff with no safety gear

[Suicideorgy]

I have been working on my mental health and its not going well at the moment, some days are better than others though. It feels like no matter how hard I try and climb this cliff all it takes is one slip up or one bad experience to make me consider ctb all over again. I havent gotten to the point where I want to live I sort of hit the point of not actively meticulously planning my own death.

Mainly when I fall off the cliff I play around with partial hanging, trying different ropes, etc. Half hearted attempts type of thing.

What do you guys do when you are having a particularily bad day?

 

[makethepainstop]

Sounds very mean of me but on a hard day, I sometimes watch documentaries of WW II, Vietnam, and terrorists torturing and killing people. You would be surprised how that can bring relief. Then again, I might put on some music CD's, chew up a THC gummy and relax!

 

[Littlewittlelight]

Sounds very mean of me but on a hard day, I sometimes watch documentaries of WW II, Vietnam, and terrorists torturing and killing people. You would be surprised how that can bring relief. Then again, I might put on some music CD's, chew up a THC gummy and relax!

I have done too you are not alone and I would say it began with normal documentaries the subject of it just kept degrading until it was this kind of violence. I don't know how I feel seeing but I have done.
And that's okay as long as you aren't hurting someone else why were they ever made? To spread info? But still you aren't doing something wrong and you don't know what people can really do to cope on a bad day there also are strange fetishes you aren't even performing something like that. I feel bad too but I am not harming anyone by doing that and it wouldn't matter much if someone else finds it weird.

 

[makethepainstop]

I figure as long as I am not DOING those things, (Torture or Killing of others),everything is just peachy!

 

[Littlewittlelight]

I figure as long as I am not DOING those things, (Torture or Killing of others),everything is just peachy!

Yeah people have worse thoughts and this is just watching you might even learn about the incidents and a few tips they give in between may come in handy sometimes you know. I just wonder about sadists this doesn't make someone sadist to me. Maybe it's curiosity either way it's still coping and you aren't harming. It is fine as long as you don't hurt someone but I wouldn't do those stunts because I just wanna bust myself not others just like you.

 

[makethepainstop]

Yeah people have worse thoughts and this is just watching you might even learn about the incidents and a few tips they give in between may come in handy sometimes you know. I just wonder about sadists this doesn't make someone sadist to me. Maybe it's curiosity either way it's still coping and you aren't harming. It is fine as long as you don't hurt someone but I wouldn't do those stunts because I just wanna bust myself not others just like you.

Hell, if you want worse thoughts see that guy Jeffrey Dahmer, now that was pure evil!

 

[Littlewittlelight]

Hell, if you want worse thoughts see that guy Jeffrey Dahmer, now that was pure evil!

Yeah I have seen so many like him actually who has like taken 10-15 most of these include them because else they wouldn't make them as documentaries rather like peaky blinders. Peaky blinders is good for series not for documentary so only these qualified for documentaries? They Kids should watch peaky blinders not documentaries.

 

[FuneralCry]

It does seem as though in a life like this there is no real relief from suffering and there is unlimited potential for things to go wrong and get worse. To me this is all tiring.
In my case, I just try to get through the day and pass the time until I fall asleep. I could never want to exist no matter what.

If someone doesn't ctb then they have no choice but to continue to endure life. It's understandable wanting to research methods as I know that for many people it can be a bit of a relief having plans and a way out of this life, they no longer feel trapped here. But in this life most things just make me feel worse and I'm tired of the same thoughts. This is why the thought of ceasing to exist is comforting to me, it would be ideal to forget about this life and return to nothingness.

 

[GrumpyFrog]

I do spend a lot of time planning out my CTB and considering methods when I have a particularly bad day. But I do realize it is not the best way to spend your time, even if you do end up CTB. So instead I'm trying to ground myself and find any sources of comfort I can get when I have a particularly bad day. I spend a lot of time just sitting in the shower and feeling the water wash over me, or even just sticking my hands under a faucet and focusing on the sensation when I get particularly overwhelmed with dark thoughts. I eat a lot of snack-type food, and drink hot or cold drinks (depending on the season). I spend lots of time wrapped up in a blanket, laying/sitting in my bed (unless it's really hot), it gives me a bit of a comfy feeling. I listen to loud music, sometimes it's sad songs that help me have a good cry, sometimes it is something really heavy and angry like black metal that helps me reach a sort of a catharsis, and sometimes it's 80s and 90s songs that cheer me up - it depends on how I'm feeling on that particular day. Sometimes I watch videos that are engaging but don't require a lot of focus or emotional investment - I rewatch movies and TV shows that make me feel nostalgic, I watch people play together or draw on YouTube or Twitch, or just watch random videos that pop up in my YouTube feed and seem interesting (as long as they are not political or otherwise potentially upsetting). I have a couple of old games that I like to play from time to time (Heroes of Might and Magic III kind of old). When I feel too low to focus on anything, I watch the dreaded TikTok - my feed is all animal and nature videos and random satisfying videos of people doing arts and crafts, it is pretty mindless but calming, and also usually helps me fall asleep, which is also something I do a lot when I'm really low. I don't know if any of that could help you - but maybe there's a chance?

 

[actual_fox]

I usually try to stay in my bed or browse yt or SS forum. Cooking something very fatty helps with that ideation. Working on something which is not stressful is very helpful. But I would recommend something which is engaging for you.

I used to train really hard but now I see it made me depressed+tired.

Suicidal ideation destroyed my hopes/ideas about life. I see everything clearly because there is no need to delude myself If I can leave- or maybe i only see the darkness so I can ctb because I just so want to die- like It is the most interesting thing to want, most tempting one. To cease to exist or to change into something totally different, whatever the case may be.