Suffering

[unabletocope]

Rolling back and forth. I am trying to prepare to die, as best I can, as best as anyone can. SN seems to be the way out, when it comes it will come. I probably need to order some meds to support me through it, I have some prochloroperazine, some Xanax is on the way, maybe some meds like olanzapine and naproxen to support the attempt. Trying to adjust to what I will need to do to make the attempt work, I think fasting will be tough but I need to do it. I'm so unhappy, so depressed, so desperate not to suffer, so conflicted with everything and the way I am going, I am the fuck up of fuck ups

 

[terminally]

Rolling back and forth. I am trying to prepare to die, as best I can, as best as anyone can. SN seems to be the way out, when it comes it will come. I probably need to order some meds to support me through it, I have some prochloroperazine, some Xanax is on the way, maybe some meds like olanzapine and naproxen to support the attempt. Trying to adjust to what I will need to do to make the attempt work, I think fasting will be tough but I need to do it. I'm do unhappy, so depressed, so desperate not to suffer, so conflicted with everything and the way I am going, I am the fuck up of fuck ups

don't make any irrational decisions and make sure you think about what you are going to do before you do it. I'm all for you making the decision but think it through

 

[unabletocope]

don't make any irrational decisions and make sure you think about what you are going to do before you do it. I'm all for you making the decision but think it through

I've been suicidal for 10 years, I know there's no going back, I know I can't go forwards, it's just I'm in a position that everything I do is completely painful for me, even something like this which ideally would be a way out is also something which is a reflection of how unbearable my life really is, I know as I die I will die in total and unbearable pain whether its within my control or not, I an the fuck up of fuck ups

 

[terminally]

I've been suicidal for 10 years, I know there's no going back, I know I can't go forwards, it's just I'm in a position that everything I do is completely painful for me, even something like this which ideally would be a way out is also something which is a reflection of how unbearable my life really is, I know as I die I will die in total and unbearable pain whether its within my control or not, I an the fuck up of fuck ups

not at all true there are many ways to CTB painlessly but i cant share them with you on here as it gets you banned. may i ask what it is that gives you so so much pain?

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope that you eventually find freedom from your suffering.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Good luck and I hope you find peace! I'm sorry you have to go through this.

 

[unabletocope]

not at all true there are many ways to CTB painlessly but i cant share them with you on here as it gets you banned. may i ask what it is that gives you so so much pain?

The other ways to go seem like work, hanging is too intense for me, if I was fearless enough to jump then maybe but I'm not, I'm probably going with SN even though I have to fast for 48 hours and take the right pills to support it. I screwed up when I was 19, I was someone who was insecure and was semi nervous to make mistakes, I didn't make particularly close friends so I was never balanced out. Out of that I ended up in a situation where I kept turning up at someone's work, I sort of sensed it was a situation that I could be judged for and alienated by people for and that's exactly what happened, out of that my ability to make relationships and have sex like a normal person has crumbled and I have completely dissolved, I used to be hopeful optimistic and saw potential in life and now I have become a void that still feels everything and is desperate to die, I am the most embarrassing person alive and nothing can save me so all I can do is focus on suicide

Good luck and I hope you find peace! I'm sorry you have to go through this.

Thank you