Venting sucks when you cant even do simple shit like buying an eyeshadow palette because you see it as a long term commitment

[starshotplagues]

like maybe i sound like an idiot to be concerned over trivial things like that but i cant even buy some goddamn makeup without thinking about if it's even worth it bc im gonna ctb in a few months

 

[Return2Dust]

like maybe i sound like an idiot to be concerned over trivial things like that but i cant even buy some goddamn makeup without thinking about if it's even worth it bc im gonna ctb in a few months

I say buy the GD makeup and enjoy it for now!

 

[Grandexit]

I'm emptying out my house slowly. I'm having a hard time even buying shampoo. That's just something more to throw away when the time comes. I just want to finish up. What the hell am I waiting for?

 

[Farmmaa]

I need a new phone, dropped mine at work and cracked the screen, had to wait until Dec to be able to get a new one... but now it's hardly worth the effort.

My cupboards are getting pretty pathetic looking because I don't want to restock things either.

 

[HannahB]

Which one tho?! Like wet and wild ehhh, but like a new winter morphie would be killer for a big event if you know what I mean

 

[starshotplagues]

Which one tho?! Like wet and wild ehhh, but like a new winter morphie would be killer for a big event if you know what I mean

was thinking of the abh norvina pallette

 

[HannahB]

I'd do it. But I'd beat myself up the whole time so I get it. I'm so sorry life is like this

 

[NotMeant2B]

Are you saving money for someone else? If that's not the case, maybe you want to consider treat yourself. If that makes you happy, just do it.
The point of taking one's own life is doing so peacefully. We want to go in our own terms, trying not to suffer; so why not enjoy the little things in life that brings us happiness? You deserve a happy life as you deserve a peaceful death, so go for it.

 

[Lotus]

I feel the exact same way! I was shopping for a few PJ's yesterday, and I was so hesitant because why should I buy new clothes when I'm not getting the enjoyment of wearing them? I'm just feeling that I'm leaving more unimportant stuff my family has to get rid of.

 

[noctiva]

Oh, I hear you loud and clear! I am doing the exact same. I don't buy anything anymore, I don't even open replacements for stuff I already have. I used to every day use mouthwash after I brushed my teeth. 2 weeks ago the bottle was empty. I have a new one in the cupboard, but I haven't opened it. I'm just thinking 'He will take all the unopened bottles when he clears my apartment out, but not the already opened ones'.. So I stopped using mouthwash. Same for other things as well.
Everything I buy is weighed against absolute NEED vs money to leave him. I don't need bananas, I don't need the nice bread, screw expensive fruits, I can eat cheap bread instead etc etc.
Don't even get me started on non essentials like makeup, perfume, jewellery, don't wear that anymore at all. Everything that breaks gets fixed with super glue, nothing gets replaced. My scale is out of battery, I won't buy a new battery anymore. Not worth the investment.

I don't know if I'll still be here in 2 days, or if I'll be around another 2 weeks. I can't do anything anymore. There's no comfort in anything except the thought that I will stop to be in pain and he will get more money.
But I hope he'll come and get me today or tomorrow, but I know 100% that that's foolish. My support system that could have helped me has let me down at every turn, he is running and having a breakdown. I'm out of options for survival.

 

[RestingGirl23]

I'd say go for it. If you are certain you're going to ctb (or even if you're not) then treating yourself shouldn't be a waste :)

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

like maybe i sound like an idiot to be concerned over trivial things like that but i cant even buy some goddamn makeup without thinking about if it's even worth it bc im gonna ctb in a few months

I'm trying to buy less food … that way there won't be as much to throw away if someone doesn't want it.

 

[Never Free]

I feel like this hits on something people don't get. People think you don't want to do anything and then get suicidal. Feel like the reverse happens. For me it does anyways. I don't have motivation, because suicide seems inevitable. I don't see a point in doing it. People react negatively I have less motivation, and want to end things sooner. People judge me for it. All of this makes suicide more inevitable. I don't want to start something I can't finish, or get closer to people, since I know suicide is inevitable. I've accepted death a long time ago. Only I don't do well with pain, and found out the medical field can bring you back from the brink. I don't want to be trapped in MH again since they don't understand me.

 

[Lastsauce]

I don't have motivation, because suicide seems inevitable. I don't see a point in doing it.

It's a vicious cycle. Depression -> no motivation and all the issues it causes -> depression worsens.

 

[issyishere]

I absolutely understand this, I hate planning for anything weeks or months in advance because I only think about how I'll probably be gone by then

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

Yes, I used to have extensive skincare routine. I ordered it abroad because where I live you can buy only crap or mediocre products. Now? I don't even wash my face every day.
Thankfully I have some cleanser left but I am not bothered to order some more.

 

[charlottewilts]

i've been struggling with this for months. i didn't know which day would be my last, so i didn't bother with a lot of things. i have a better method now and a date set, and it's getting even more pronounced. i saw a really beautiful doll today though, and i just knew i had to have it. now i feel bad because it deserves a better owner... most likely going right back to the flea market after i croak.
at least you can do your makeup before you go..! what am i gonna do with a doll, haunt it?

 

[freaky3600]

I have been that way as well lately. To the point where, I don't even want to bother going out to eat. Why spend $50-$100 on dinner when it's not being fully enjoyed and not going to be appreciated in the long run. Tonight I had Kraft mac and cheese and some Stove Top. I didn't even bother to save any leftovers because I thought, what's the point?

You're definitely not an idiot for feeling that way. Makes total sense to me.