-nobodyknows-
Specialist
- Jun 16, 2024
- 393
I do not like the subway. It's not the crowds, or the delays, or the crappy seats. The worst part is standing on the platform and waiting for the train to arrive.
I had to take the subway today. I stood there for seven minutes, staring off at the edge of the platform. It reminds me of how close I am to the edge. How much my motivations to try to live have deteriorated. How much harder it has gotten to do things. I am like an old battery that can barely hold a charge.
I find myself trapped in the moment quite often recently. My despair simply engulfs me, and my body feels so heavy. When I move, it feels as if I were attempting to swim in a pool of molasses. It is hard to do anything in this state, and even when I do, I do not do it well.
I need it to end. I am trying so hard to hold it together. But I am still falling apart. I don't know what to do. Is there even anything I can do at this point?
I wish there was some way to explain to people that I need help, without making it seem weird. Something a bit more than "can we hang out?" But of course, mentioning the real reason is no good. That just upsets people and drives them away.
I guess that's a sign that I should not be here.
I had to take the subway today. I stood there for seven minutes, staring off at the edge of the platform. It reminds me of how close I am to the edge. How much my motivations to try to live have deteriorated. How much harder it has gotten to do things. I am like an old battery that can barely hold a charge.
I find myself trapped in the moment quite often recently. My despair simply engulfs me, and my body feels so heavy. When I move, it feels as if I were attempting to swim in a pool of molasses. It is hard to do anything in this state, and even when I do, I do not do it well.
I need it to end. I am trying so hard to hold it together. But I am still falling apart. I don't know what to do. Is there even anything I can do at this point?
I wish there was some way to explain to people that I need help, without making it seem weird. Something a bit more than "can we hang out?" But of course, mentioning the real reason is no good. That just upsets people and drives them away.
I guess that's a sign that I should not be here.
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