Sra_TZ
Walking Disaster
- Mar 6, 2021
- 65
I'll get straight to the point- I intended to die before my next birthday. I have internally given up a long time ago and I find absolutely no reason to live. There's only one person who'll be affected by my suicide - and that's my best friend. I hate life and I don't give a damn about anything, but I do care about her. I wanted to wait to suicide until she had a more or less stable life and a partner, so she'd not be as badly impacted. As much as I hate life, I'd rather not destroy someone else's. All good, everything was working out just fine. I planned to do it at the end of this year (or the start of next).
Fast forward to yesterday, I found out that she'll be sitting for some crucial exams in 11 months. 11 MoNtHs. She's very serious about these and they'll heavily affect her academic future. Furthermore, she wants to immigrate abroad for a degree, which makes it all the more important to perform well. To state the obvious, my suicide will hurt her. Hurt her to the point where she'll mess up these exams. Messing up these exams will wreck her future in the long term.
To put it simply, I'm devastated. I'm happy for her, I really am. She's an amazing young lady and will do amazing things in the future and whatnot. I don't even know how to feel about myself.
I suppose I'm stuck here. For another year...
~S
Fast forward to yesterday, I found out that she'll be sitting for some crucial exams in 11 months. 11 MoNtHs. She's very serious about these and they'll heavily affect her academic future. Furthermore, she wants to immigrate abroad for a degree, which makes it all the more important to perform well. To state the obvious, my suicide will hurt her. Hurt her to the point where she'll mess up these exams. Messing up these exams will wreck her future in the long term.
To put it simply, I'm devastated. I'm happy for her, I really am. She's an amazing young lady and will do amazing things in the future and whatnot. I don't even know how to feel about myself.
I suppose I'm stuck here. For another year...
~S