Hadès
I never forget
- Mar 18, 2023
- 25
Hi everyone ! My name is Hadès i'm French and i'm 18yo , talking about myself is not something i'm used to but for once i have this need...
Since i'm very young i don't really have a lot of friend and the rare one that i have either leave one day or betray me for no particular reasons and i always had this feeling of being different from other people.
my father is someone most of the time upset for nothing and really hard to deal even more now that i'm older always telling me that i have everything to success but i don't
and my mother had a work called social services (idk if it have a different name) where she could have 1-3 kids or teens of 0 to 17yo living in my house, they all had difficult background, i had no real privacy, my toys were often break it was never really quiet, and some were aggressive, my mother did this work since i had 1 yo to 17yo it was horrible...
i found refuge in video game and became a ghost for my entire family, they all were bad for me for many reasons except my grandma maybe but i still don't talk to anyone
I was also bullied in elementary school for a year i think.
in college i spend my time with a girl because we were rejected, i met my girlfriend (Eden) from England at 10yo on a school trip in (Year 7 UK, 6th grades US) i never felt more happy since, it was my true first relation
in high-school it was a bit better, i had a small group of friends mostly girls because it was not the same than with boys, one of the girl of the group (Camille) was very attractive and before asking if she wanted to be with me i asked my girlfriend if she would agree to end our relation because i wanted something more physical something where i could see the person i love more than 4 times a year , and she agreed to end it after being together for 6 years , i then asked and she accepted to be with me...
our relation lasted 6 months because her mother was over protective... it destroyed me, i left her in July 2021 because i had no other option.
and the 12 November 2021 Eden my ex girlfriend died in a car accident, the girl that made me who i'am now was gone i had 16 yo at this moment.
it killed me inside, i didn't cried and that still upset me, i couldn't even see her grave or her funeral.
for me life didn't already had a good taste but now it's worse.
for obvious reasons i don't tell all the details, i always think about CBT since but don't do , idk why but i simply don't, it's not a problem of fear/pain/survival instinct or how to do it.
i'm sorry if there is some mistakes or if some sentences don't make sense , i'm also sorry if what i say could seems like a little baby crying because of what happened when he was younger but for me it was and it's still something hard to live with , alive outside but dead inside...
thanks for reading...
Since i'm very young i don't really have a lot of friend and the rare one that i have either leave one day or betray me for no particular reasons and i always had this feeling of being different from other people.
my father is someone most of the time upset for nothing and really hard to deal even more now that i'm older always telling me that i have everything to success but i don't
and my mother had a work called social services (idk if it have a different name) where she could have 1-3 kids or teens of 0 to 17yo living in my house, they all had difficult background, i had no real privacy, my toys were often break it was never really quiet, and some were aggressive, my mother did this work since i had 1 yo to 17yo it was horrible...
i found refuge in video game and became a ghost for my entire family, they all were bad for me for many reasons except my grandma maybe but i still don't talk to anyone
I was also bullied in elementary school for a year i think.
in college i spend my time with a girl because we were rejected, i met my girlfriend (Eden) from England at 10yo on a school trip in (Year 7 UK, 6th grades US) i never felt more happy since, it was my true first relation
in high-school it was a bit better, i had a small group of friends mostly girls because it was not the same than with boys, one of the girl of the group (Camille) was very attractive and before asking if she wanted to be with me i asked my girlfriend if she would agree to end our relation because i wanted something more physical something where i could see the person i love more than 4 times a year , and she agreed to end it after being together for 6 years , i then asked and she accepted to be with me...
our relation lasted 6 months because her mother was over protective... it destroyed me, i left her in July 2021 because i had no other option.
and the 12 November 2021 Eden my ex girlfriend died in a car accident, the girl that made me who i'am now was gone i had 16 yo at this moment.
it killed me inside, i didn't cried and that still upset me, i couldn't even see her grave or her funeral.
for me life didn't already had a good taste but now it's worse.
for obvious reasons i don't tell all the details, i always think about CBT since but don't do , idk why but i simply don't, it's not a problem of fear/pain/survival instinct or how to do it.
i'm sorry if there is some mistakes or if some sentences don't make sense , i'm also sorry if what i say could seems like a little baby crying because of what happened when he was younger but for me it was and it's still something hard to live with , alive outside but dead inside...
thanks for reading...
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