Help struggling with loneliness

[whenisitmyturn]

all of my life ive struggled to make friends, and ive never had a girlfriend before or a real friend group despite being nearly 30 years old. both are things ive always wanted but could never have because of autism, social anxiety, and trauma.

above everything else ive always wanted to experience love, but no girl ever gave me that chance or looked at me that way. its left me more broken than i already am. i cant stand the sight of couples and hearing people talk and brag about their relationships makes me want to cry.

i refuse to continue living like this. everyday is a reminder of the things that i cant have that everyone else gets very easily and takes for granted. they will never know what its like and my problems are my always downplayed.

im begging anyone for help before i invetitably fucking lose it or CTB, but if anyone else relates youre welcome to vent too.

 

[k1m]

Just bc ur a late bloomer doesn't mean you're not a flower. Also relationships are all about YOU and where you are mentally. If you're lonely and get in a relationship, you will just be lonely in a relationship (which is worse than being alone). When you build enough of a social life then relationships come naturally, you will be more confident and attractive. I promise ur not unlovable. When you develop your emotional skills (which literally everyone has to learn and practice) you become so attractive, this is universal.

 

[LighthouseHermit]

Yeah, life is unfair to those that are outside the norm. I'm terribly sorry you suffer so much.

People that have love treat it like it's worth nothing, and people that want love can't get it.

 

[offbalance]

all of my life ive struggled to make friends, and ive never had a girlfriend before or a real friend group despite being nearly 30 years old. both are things ive always wanted but could never have because of autism, social anxiety, and trauma.

above everything else ive always wanted to experience love, but no girl ever gave me that chance or looked at me that way. its left me more broken than i already am. i cant stand the sight of couples and hearing people talk and brag about their relationships makes me want to cry.

i refuse to continue living like this. everyday is a reminder of the things that i cant have that everyone else gets very easily and takes for granted. they will never know what its like and my problems are my always downplayed.

im begging anyone for help before i invetitably fucking lose it or CTB, but if anyone else relates youre welcome to vent too.

I can relate you're not alone. I don't have autism but I have social anxiety and trauma and it's like watching life from the outside looking in

 

[Grav]

I've got anxiety and on the spectrum and friends came few and far between, usually others who were "off" like me, but it did happen. I can't give the formula but I think it comes down to shared interests. I'm old so the online life isn't a primary thing for me and I'm a supporter of in-person relationships, and that clashes with social anxiety. it seems easier to dump people online because it's not really personal. Do you have any interests that can get you around people even if it's just going to a store to browse or pick something up?

 

[whenisitmyturn]

Do you have any interests that can get you around people even if it's just going to a store to browse or pick something up?

i dont have any hobbies besides going to the gym and going home. even if i did i dont see a point in having any if im just gonna spend them all alone. it would just make feel even worse and more alienated.

If you're lonely and get in a relationship, you will just be lonely in a relationship (which is worse than being alone).

thats just not true at all

When you develop your emotional skills (which literally everyone has to learn and practice) you become so attractive, this is universal

im not sure what you mean by that

 

[unluckysadness]

I live like an hermit so I understand your struggle

 

[AZRAEL600]

I think it is good to be single. I am single and want to die like that. But I believe people who want to have that connection will eventually find one. Don't worry someone will be there for you. It is also better to be single then to suffer in a toxic relationship.

 

[Grav]

did i dont see a point in having any if im just gonna spend them all alone.

True but it does create a connection to others who share that interest. I build models among other hobbies, super solo activity. But I took a leap and joined a local group. I was sweating from anxiety the first few meets but everyone was cool. They aren't my bestest best friends but I now have people whi recognize me and we chat and bs.

You can be lonely in a relationship, I've felt it so bad I want to scream, and that's being married. It's not s given but when people are emotionally not connected it sneaks in and settles down.
Getting someone to spot you or asking how to work certain muscles can start conversations that build those connections. Even small ones build on the next one. It's not easy to start and there are pitfalls but it basically comes down to taking a chance or it never happens.