Struggling to pack my things before leaving- please advise

[wordsonscreen]

So, none of my family is on this continent and I want to pack my things to be shipped to them after I am dead. But I can no longer do things. I feel hollow and just want to "enjoy" my last days. I want to prepare for dying internally quietly. Its too painful to pack and think about the agony my family will feel when they hear of it. But I must leave, it is unbearable. I am dying inside. How do I find motivation to pack things? In terms of what goes to who. I also wanted to visit the beach once but I have no energy. I just want to leave. Every day is excruciating. I'm literally only alive to do things that will make my suicide easier for others- writing letters, cleaning my house, organizing things etc. Its all for others but I have no motivation anymore. I'm just in pain. How do I do this..

 

[WornOutLife]

Well, to get the motivation you need I can only see to possible ways:

1) Think that you won't exist anymore in this world once you do that. Everything will be over so, this will your final effort in life; pack everything.

2) Go and see a psych and try to get some meds. There are lots of pills which can make you feel motivated at least for some hours and that could really work for the things you need/want to do. Just like visiting the beach!

Anyway, that's my advice.

Hugs and love,

Matt

 

[Makko]

Are the things of any economical value? If not, don't bother sorting them.

 

[booray]

So, none of my family is on this continent and I want to pack my things to be shipped to them after I am dead. But I can no longer do things. I feel hollow and just want to "enjoy" my last days. I want to prepare for dying internally quietly. Its too painful to pack and think about the agony my family will feel when they hear of it. But I must leave, it is unbearable. I am dying inside. How do I find motivation to pack things? In terms of what goes to who. I also wanted to visit the beach once but I have no energy. I just want to leave. Every day is excruciating. I'm literally only alive to do things that will make my suicide easier for others- writing letters, cleaning my house, organizing things etc. Its all for others but I have no motivation anymore. I'm just in pain. How do I do this..

I can entirely relate to this. I have a house full of things that I need to pack up, but I'm so depressed and anxious that I can't even get out of bed to do anything. I hate to have to leave this mess behind after I ctb so that my family had to deal with it, but I don't know what to do. I'm so depressed that I can't even get out of bed except to go to the bathroom and eat something. And I have panic attacks whenever I look at all the stuff that I've accumulated over the years. I'm sorry that I can't offer you any advice. Just know that you're not the only one facing this dilemma.

 

[wordsonscreen]

Well, to get the motivation you need I can only see to possible ways:

1) Think that you won't exist anymore in this world once you do that. Everything will be over so, this will your final effort in life; pack everything.

2) Go and see a psych and try to get some meds. There are lots of pills which can make you feel motivated at least for some hours and that could really work for the things you need/want to do. Just like visiting the beach!

Anyway, that's my advice.

Hugs and love,

Matt

I'm trying. I'm taking meds but my ptsd is unbearable and I keep having panic attacks if I dont constantly drown myself in tv or some other distraction. I cant be in my body even with meds. But you're right, thank you!! <3

Are the things of any economical value? If not, don't bother sorting them.

okay, maybe I will reduce what I do sort through!

I can entirely relate to this. I have a house full of things that I need to pack up, but I'm so depressed and anxious that I can't even get out of bed to do anything. I hate to have to leave this mess behind after I ctb so that my family had to deal with it, but I don't know what to do. I'm so depressed that I can't even get out of bed except to go to the bathroom and eat something. And I have panic attacks whenever I look at all the stuff that I've accumulated over the years. I'm sorry that I can't offer you any advice. Just know that you're not the only one facing this dilemma.

:( yeah I understand... I'm in a similar place.

 

[BlackCatTalk]

I understand you well, my recommendation is that you stop worrying about those things, nothing matters after you take the bus, everything becomes peace....

In the end, those who stay behind do what they want and what they can with your things,

 

[blue_muse]

With such tasks I find powering up on some caffeine can help. You're about to embark on a journey into the unknown, you could pretend that packing up is part of that journey. There's always categorising too; one box of essentials, another box of keepsakes and so forth. Think of your items as pieces of you you are giving to your family. Rome wasn't built in a day, pace yourself like some sort of heavyweight boxer .

 

[Buttercup2.0]

Do you think having someone on the phone might help?
Like supportive talk, or just knowing someone is there who struggles too?
I'd be happy to help?
I definitely feel the same way.
What helps me is Vyvanse, I take a dose up (key point). This means I don't have a choice to stay in bed, I'm high as a kite in my head, so awake I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING (like that wide awake) on my prescribed pills.
like I was struggling to do my dishes for a whole month, took double the dose at 6 AM (cause my body got used to the original dose and stopped be effective) and omg I cleaned and organized my entire place with ease by 11 am. Also, with those hours had a long shower, prepared food, the list went on. I'm usually bored and out of things to do on this pill by noon.
This med helps with ADHD and binge eating disorders, which I both have. Off this pill, I can and will eat a whole store, on the pill, I can't finish a scoop of ice cream!!! I HOPE THIS HELPS, I WANT YOUR PAIN TO END BUDDY

 

[NodusTollens]

Hey Sunbug,

What you're doing for your family is kind: keeping them from having to collect & organize your belongings is compassionate. Feeling of guilt are understandable too, especially in this situation, & it shows how much you care about your loved one's well-being. HUGS.

In regards to packing, to give yourself some peace of mind, could you make a list & tackle one area of/task in your place at a time? That way It doesn't seem as insurmountable & hopefully lessens anxiety. Maybe trying to set aside time, maybe a few minutes a day, to allow yourself to pack could help with motivation. Pack while you can, even if it's only 5 mins.
- journey - xo

 

[wordsonscreen]

Do you think having someone on the phone might help?
Like supportive talk, or just knowing someone is there who struggles too?
I'd be happy to help?
I definitely feel the same way.
What helps me is Vyvanse, I take a dose up (key point). This means I don't have a choice to stay in bed, I'm high as a kite in my head, so awake I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING (like that wide awake) on my prescribed pills.
like I was struggling to do my dishes for a whole month, took double the dose at 6 AM (cause my body got used to the original dose and stopped be effective) and omg I cleaned and organized my entire place with ease by 11 am. Also, with those hours had a long shower, prepared food, the list went on. I'm usually bored and out of things to do on this pill by noon.
This med helps with ADHD and binge eating disorders, which I both have. Off this pill, I can and will eat a whole store, on the pill, I can't finish a scoop of ice cream!!! I HOPE THIS HELPS, I WANT YOUR PAIN TO END BUDDY

You'd do that for me? :( Yes please. Thank you. I will PM you and we can chat. I'm not the most fun company as of late so apologies in advance.

Yeah I think I need to set aside a day or something and somehow force myself to do it. Its just so painful. That medication sounds super helpful though wow!! Maybe I will try coffee.

Hey Sunbug,

What you're doing for your family is kind: keeping them from having to collect & organize your belongings is compassionate. Feeling of guilt are understandable too, especially in this situation, & it shows how much you care about your loved one's well-being. HUGS.

In regards to packing, to give yourself some peace of mind, could you make a list & tackle one area of/task in your place at a time? That way It doesn't seem as insurmountable & hopefully lessens anxiety. Maybe trying to set aside time, maybe a few minutes a day, to allow yourself to pack could help with motivation. Pack while you can, even if it's only 5 mins.
- journey - xo

This is lovely advice!! Thank you for your kind words. You seem so nice! I appreciate it a ton! Okay, I will try to do this.

 

[lugerepair]

Regarding the Vyvanse advice: yes it helps while you're on it, but in my case at least the comedown is hell and makes me feel even more depressed. Just something to consider/ be prepared for if you do try it.

 

[Kbeau]

So, none of my family is on this continent and I want to pack my things to be shipped to them after I am dead. But I can no longer do things. I feel hollow and just want to "enjoy" my last days. I want to prepare for dying internally quietly. Its too painful to pack and think about the agony my family will feel when they hear of it. But I must leave, it is unbearable. I am dying inside. How do I find motivation to pack things? In terms of what goes to who. I also wanted to visit the beach once but I have no energy. I just want to leave. Every day is excruciating. I'm literally only alive to do things that will make my suicide easier for others- writing letters, cleaning my house, organizing things etc. Its all for others but I have no motivation anymore. I'm just in pain. How do I do

So, none of my family is on this continent and I want to pack my things to be shipped to them after I am dead. But I can no longer do things. I feel hollow and just want to "enjoy" my last days. I want to prepare for dying internally quietly. Its too painful to pack and think about the agony my family will feel when they hear of it. But I must leave, it is unbearable. I am dying inside. How do I find motivation to pack things? In terms of what goes to who. I also wanted to visit the beach once but I have no energy. I just want to leave. Every day is excruciating. I'm literally only alive to do things that will make my suicide easier for others- writing letters, cleaning my house, organizing things etc. Its all for others but I have no motivation anymore. I'm just in pain. How do I do this..

Personally, I would put plans to.ctb on hold until I got all of my affairs in order. I would also, personally, not be looking to pack and give things to family or friends. I'm tossing, selling, or giving away everything. My cash will be doled out according to my will with a large portion going to Right to Die organizations.

 

[sufferingalways]

I'm trying. I'm taking meds but my ptsd is unbearable and I keep having panic attacks if I dont constantly drown myself in tv or some other distraction. I cant be in my body even with meds. But you're right, thank you!! <3

okay, maybe I will reduce what I do sort through!

:( yeah I understand... I'm in a similar place.

Hi sunbug. Sorry to hear that you have ptsd as well. Hugs x