Discussion Strange/ silly question for females wanting to ctb...

[MeltingHeart]

Don't worry @MeltingHeart, I didn't take care of myself for 2 months now already. I thought maybe I can get myself to do one thing for myself per day, just to feel a minimal amount of not completely letting go of myself. It's not great, but if someone here will go along with me, I will try to be there and support. I hope he will come back to me, so I don't want to give up on myself completely yet. Plus, as you addressed in your very first post, forgive me for paraphrasing, try to be an at least okay looking corpse. Smurf-blue, but nice skin and silky smooth.

Oh @Raven Moon, what were you thinking about getting? I have a foreo, and I love it to bits. I used it yesterday to actually massage the pomegranate oil in (I know, you're not supposed to use the silicone with the oil, but it survived for quite a while now with my oil regimen) after I mushed it all over the place with my fingers. Felt really good to be honest, and I didn't need to do so much except move the foreo around!
What did you used to do for your hair?

Sorry to be so negative & not join in and share in this support of self care- especially aftr starting a post about it-& also as I used to love things like that & sharing those kind of tips between female friends- shows how far I am from the old me & how much I've lost myself. Still nice to read yr rituals thou! (Almost put a x on the end as I would do in any texts!)

 

[Sweet emotion]

Hey I'm wearing lipstick and gloss! Haha. I love my lips and when someone finds me k just want them to say man that girl has beautifully shaped lips! But I think I'll grow my arm pit hairs out hah.

 

[exhausted]

@exhausted, how was your face mask? Did it feel good? Skin happier today?

Yes it was nice, I nearly fell asleep in it. I have bought some more today (a rose one, a coconut one and a charcoal one). I googled the packaging you mentioned, very regal and elegant.

 

[noctiva]

Sorry to be so negative & not join in and share in this support of self care- especially aftr starting a post about it-& also as I used to love things like that & sharing those kind of tips between female friends- shows how far I am from the old me & how much I've lost myself. Still nice to read yr rituals thou! (Almost put a x on the end as I would do in any texts!)

Please don't worry @MeltingHeart, we're here for you and with you, you don't have to do anything if you don't feel like it, I know how hard it is to try to have any semblance of your previous life before the crisis. I'm with you. I wouldn't be doing the face mask if @exhausted hadn't responded yesterday. I am not doing well, everything feels heavy, difficult and ultimately pointless. I am not enjoying it at the moment at all, as I said it's just a piece of pre-crisis habit that feels like a previous normal, though like a current abnormal. I don't know to be honest how I feel about it, but I'll give it a go.
Be kind to yourself, you deserve it. xo.

Update: I took the face mask off, it was a 5-10 minute mask, I've no idea how bloody long I left it on now, I couldn't get myself to do anything. I'll follow up with face oil, skin treat strengthening oil.

Yes it was nice, I nearly fell asleep in it. I have bought some more today (a rose one, a coconut one and a charcoal one). I googled the packaging you mentioned, very regal and elegant.

I know, right? That's why I chose it, the collagen one I have is in a yellow packaging, and I don't like yellow. The red really spoke to me, and his favourite color is red. So pathetic old me has gone with that kind of a choice!
The rose sounds amazing, I love the smell of rose products. I will, after my oil add a bit of INKUTO shea butter rose around my eyes just for the extra oil and the heavenly rose smell that it gives off.
Let me know if and what mask you use, I'd be happy to know!

 

[exhausted]

Sorry to be so negative & not join in and share in this support of self care- especially aftr starting a post about it-& also as I used to love things like that & sharing those kind of tips between female friends- shows how far I am from the old me & how much I've lost myself. Still nice to read yr rituals thou! (Almost put a x on the end as I would do in any texts!)

Aww, MeltingHeart. You're not being negative. To be honest, I am a bit fearful from the face mask, it's always a surprise how my skin responds! Fingers crossed my acne won't escalate. My skin is a fickle mistress.

 

[MeltingHeart]

Aww, MeltingHeart. You're not being negative. To be honest, I am a bit fearful from the face mask, it's always a surprise how my skin responds! Fingers crossed my acne won't escalate. My skin is a fickle mistress.

hope not,goodluck!

Hey I'm wearing lipstick and gloss! Haha. I love my lips and when someone finds me k just want them to say man that girl has beautifully shaped lips! But I think I'll grow my arm pit hairs out hah.

ive already done that second one ha! I used to love wearing lipstick going out and buying a new one each season- it always felt like may little way to treat myself-when I could not afford new shoes, clothes etc. But my bf used to criticise it (said it was like a clown or something) as he did with so many other things, i kind of stopped wearing it, just another tiny bit of my identity and sense of self that got chipped away-sometimes its all the little things that add upto make you feel like yourself/ your character and all the different aspects of your personality that are fun to explore. :(

 

[sad_frog]

I kinda dont think anyone would notice my body and my hairy pits if my head was blown off. so... no i dont care what i look like. in fact i hope i shit all over myself

 

[orangemushroom]

Never really thought about how I'd wanna be seen if I were to ctb, I'd probably dress up in something nice but I don't really see much of a point if I'm gonna potentially puke all over my dress, nor do think makeup would help so much.
for more of the self care question I've always struggled with physical care, I still need to learn how to do basic makeup and get a fashion sense and all that Jazz.. it's just hard for me to do basic things like brushing my hair (sadly that's gotten it to a big mess that's needing a lot of brushing to get fixed but I'll get that done eventually..) or brushing my teeth. It's just like, what's the point? My body is a temple and it's one of those temples in Thailand where monkeys shit all over.. Sorry for the rant but that's my two cents anyway

 

[c824767]

make-up, lotions and getting nicer clothes, all stolen. Makes me feel good. It will change when I find a way to be an activist.

 

[noctiva]

I'll try again if someone wants to join me!
I just had a shower, put some serum on my face afterwards that I got way back when in the summer when life was still amazing, Capture Youth Glow Booster (bought it for the bottle) and age perfect rosy glow mask. No idea if we're allowed to mention brands, so I left those out.
Assessment: The serum is actually very quickly absorbed and leaves the skin slightly dry, I don't like it much. The face mask on the other hand is very lovely, I'm too young for the age range it's recommended for, but it was on sale, what was I supposed to do? I was crying the whole time and that I cannot recommend, it got product in my eyes and now they burn doubly.
xo.

EDIT: My eyes are still on fire, holy cow!

 

[Moonicide]

Never really thought about how I'd wanna be seen if I were to ctb, I'd probably dress up in something nice but I don't really see much of a point if I'm gonna potentially puke all over my dress, nor do think makeup would help so much.
for more of the self care question I've always struggled with physical care, I still need to learn how to do basic makeup and get a fashion sense and all that Jazz.. it's just hard for me to do basic things like brushing my hair (sadly that's gotten it to a big mess that's needing a lot of brushing to get fixed but I'll get that done eventually..) or brushing my teeth. It's just like, what's the point? My body is a temple and it's one of those temples in Thailand where monkeys shit all over.. Sorry for the rant but that's my two cents anyway

I get that 100%. It used to be so bad for me that I wouldn't comb my hair for a month and a half. Instant regret. I had also went months without brushing my teeth, washing my face too. Surprisingly, my teeth are still in good shape besides needing a few fillings as I've went to the dentist recently. I've been a little better about it these days and have gotten no rinse body wash along with dry shampoo / wipes. But if I don't have to go anywhere, taking care of myself goes right out the window. Which is kind of comical, because I'll go to my appointments dressed nicely with full on makeup, so they find it hard to believe there is something wrong with me until the read it on paper.

 

[noctiva]

I get that 100%. It used to be so bad for me that I wouldn't comb my hair for a month and a half. Instant regret. I had also went months without brushing my teeth, washing my face too. Surprisingly, my teeth are still in good shape besides needing a few fillings as I've went to the dentist recently. I've been a little better about it these days and have gotten no rinse body wash along with dry shampoo / wipes. But if I don't have to go anywhere, taking care of myself goes right out the window. Which is kind of comical, because I'll go to my appointments dressed nicely with full on makeup, so they find it hard to believe there is something wrong with me until the read it on paper.

I hear you, I have not brushed my hair in 8 weeks now. He used my hairbrush last time, so I cannot bring myself to use it. I have a BBB for brushing my hair, I used to brush my hair religiously every day for at least 20 minutes, used to do no-poo regimen, for over .. 9 years. When I leave the house, I look okay, people don't suspect, apart from the wrinkles I get from constantly crying by now. But even that I can hide under make-up. But at home, knowing I don't need to go anywhere, knowing that no one will come by, I wear baggy, saggy clothes, unwashed for 8 weeks. I am losing all semblance to the person I used to be, I miss her. But I feel I can't be her anymore. She has lost too much.

I wish I was her still, and not tis weeping, suicidal mess.

 

[Soulless_Angel]

Not read all the replies, Im too half way to drunk, that aside,
I was never big on make up but I would never leave the house with out earings, or rings, or bracelets, never left the house without my hair done, and handbag ready
Now... meh, fuck it, I barely leave the house and when I do, hair is hair, face is face, jewellery is material pointless possessions that actually mean nothing,
End of the day I am skin (a lot of it!) and bone, when I finally get to my path, I don't care how I look!
As for daily routine, I brush my hair once a day instead of 3 or 4, I barely get dressed, I shower twice a week instead of daily, I don't moisturise, not like I have anyone to impress, when i tried to make an effort, my husband still flirted with other women, so men who gives a fuck now!

 

[charlottewilts]

haha i'm not the only one! i dressed up for my last attempt. kinda sucked that i got rescued and the shoes - while very pretty - gave me bad blisters. at least i looked decent while i was being arrested and questioned :-)

i'll do the same next time, and also abstain from food and drink for the sake of whoever finds me. oh, and put on comfortable shoes, just in case!

 

[AngelOfDeath01]

I used to take care of myself in the past and felt like it was important to look my best so I did put effort into it. However these days I struggle to look decent because I don't see the point of it anymore. I am almost everyday in the house and I don't have anyone to impress( I was guilty of constantly trying to please people now I couldn't care less).
In my last attempt I wanted everything to be perfect so I cleaned the house, put on some music,looked through happy and sad memories and I was torn between wearing a black dress symbolizing the pain and devastation I am in or a white lacey dress representing the way I'd like to be remeberered serene and angel-like. I ended up choosing the white one because I wanted the people who would see my body have a peaceful lasting image of me. ( quite of naïve I know).
After i failed at that attempt I realized how that effort was in vain, planning my suicide to the last detail. I get that it is the last thing that will ever do and it is tempting to make it as perfect as possible but it can be quite exhausting. I still want to look peaceful and beautiful as I die but I am opting for a more comfortable look and focusing on what really matters hopefully.

 

[BecauseOfMyPurpose]

I'm so glad I found this thread.
I've been thinking a lot about this and I'm so torn.
I want to look decent when I ctb in case any of my family sees my corpse.

Doing my makeup is therapeutic for me so I was considering doing it for the event as kind of a way to relax during the waiting periods (SN method) but Im worried that if I start crying it will be worse than if I didn't have any makeup on...

I also thought of wearing a dress and a diaper to help with cleanup but again, if any of my family sees my corpse (like to identify the body or something maybe idk) I don't want to smell like poop and pee....

Considering I will be fasting for a full day prior to taking the SN I don't even know if pooping myself will even be an issue...

I don't know.... Help!!

 

[a.h]

Ok this is really dumb to even think about-but-bit of background first- since my breakdown (nearly one year ago) I have lost all pride in my appearance/fitness/health etc. I used to take a lot of care of all & was quite typically girlie- in the sense of using all different potions & lotions for face/ body, regular hair cuts etc. Now I look like crap, wash with cheap shit shower gel- even my face- don't bother to moisture etc.my hair is too long & knotty now. But for some reason I can't decide if I should get a leg wax before I ctb!! It's so stupid- like it really doesn't matter by then! But it must just be like an innate kind of thing. Anyone else care/ consider what they look like when they ctb? (Even knowing that honestly- it's ain't ever gonna be a pretty sight!)....it's weird I know

It seems you have moved on already. If so then I am sure you are a beautyful angel now.

When I saw this picture without texts with image search when looking some art I thought it was a high fashion picture and wondered how they got something like black shiny canvas, latex etc. look so smooth, beautyful and so alive. I wondered how the woman's expression was so serene, delecate and perfect. I have studied photography and for long I wondered how they made it so well and so beautiful in every way, in every detail. I made the picture bigger in my tablet and watched more closely. Then I thought it wasn't high fashion photo but much better. It was an art photo. Good art. One of the best photos I have seen. I got interested about how it was made. I wanted to know what material the black canvas was that was so alive and how it was made to curve around her so beautifully and well and I wanted to see the models other photoshoots. So I clicked the site of the photo and I got this article.

‘The Most Beautiful Suicide’: A Violent Death, an Immortal Photo

In May 1947, LIFE magazine devoted a full page to a picture now recognized as one of the most famous portraits of suicide ever made.

time.com

I bet we all think we would like to look like her after passing. But in reality we won't care then at all.
So I would advice not to stress over it.