Strain of the motions

[eternalbliss22]

It's getting harder & harder to go through the motions of life dealing with people who have lied, been hostile, personally attack you then act all cheerfully in front of others. Dealing with others who act all friendly just to get information to burn you. All I think about is suicide, I'm a male & I probably think of suicide 10 times more than I do sex. I'm constantly thinking of ways to end my life & analyzing the process. I daydream while driving about speeding into a pole to & from work. I live, work & travel all in rural areas so poles aren't a viable option since there's a ditch between poles & the road. There are a few 1 lane bridges with guard rails that I could drive into the ends & possibly even flipping me over. I think going airborne, pseudo flight before death would be a fun way to perish. It's getting harder to even come into work knowing the so called games of life & the motins & the face I have to wear because of society's demands of us. So tired of living.

 

[FuneralCry]

It certainly is so awful how humans create so much harm in this cruel world, of course you just cannot trust and rely on other people. But it does sound tiring being trapped in that situation and it's undeniable that existing really can be torture so I hope that you eventually find the freedom that you are searching for.

 

[my-end]

Definitely relate, I care not to participate.
I wonder if I've acted like they do and just didn't realize what I was doing. I feel like maybe I brought some of it on myself but I also won't dismiss their actions as blameless. Thing is, if I haven't learned by now how to make it peacefully through this world, I likely won't. Best wishes to you.

 

[starrvingstar]

im constantly masking around others and they think i am being dramatic or joking when i say i feel like killing myself over something. im so tired of pretending and people perceiving me as happy when i can not keep up with that persona. ive ruined my sex life due to sleeping every day away waiting for the next in hopes of the little thing that makes me happy to happen and see my scale go down and my constant desire to kill myself taking over my every thought. i am exhausted and am only surviving. going to therapy makes me ask if i should feel bad for myself or should want happiness, at this point im not scared of my suicidal thoughts or have any desire to get any better for anything or anyone.