Venting still not human (poem)

[scarletrat]

i've always lived in limbo
watching from the sidelines
never really being in the moment

but now i think im dead
not real
not true

theres blood in my veins but its fake
the shadows are getting darker
the numbers on the calendar increase,
while the numbers on the scale drop

how can i die
if im not even alive ??
how can i cease to exist
if i've never really been here in the first place ??

so i sit here
looking at the holes in my wall
and the blood on my floor

still not human.