SoulWhisperer
Nothing Like The Looks « ❤️‍🩹 »
- Nov 13, 2023
- 583
I haven't been online in the past few months, not active or anything, I haven't been checking anything. I've opened back SaSu a few days ago for the first time in months, did that randomly and popped up just to say "hi" so people knew I was still alive (Surprising ikr, I'm amazed myself).
I've been still in contact with some members here, off-site, that I see as my close friends. They've supported me so far and I thank them for that; it's incredible to have found people willing to support me emotionally through my pain and suffering. Of course there's a limit on what someone can do virtually to help, but it's still appreciated nonetheless.
In this I also found a person willing to stick with me more than others; I ironically found the opposite of death on here. Don't get me wrong though, my life is still shit and everything is wrong, but now I've found a soul to share my journey with, that I'm willing to spend my time with. And wherever our path, together, will lead, I'll follow. Whether the path will lead down to death or life, I at least won't thread it alone. Last week has been amazing, and now I am in front of an uncertain future. The one I've always been seeing and dreading for about 5 years now, however time doesn't stop.
Success or not, I just gotta come to terms with it. So long I'll be able to do that, I can say that my life will be an acceptable life. Loneliness kills me. Without any sort of support I would've gone mad long, long ago.
I don't want anything and anyone to stop me, this is the path I chose to take, on my own, out of my own volition and accord. No external force shall tell me that this is right or wrong, for that is for me to decide. I will refuse anything that tries to dictate what's best for me without even knowing me.
I'll likely be much less active or completely inactive probably, in the future. I can't make promises. But this place, the folks in it, the posts I made, the things I got: I am thankful for them all. For this place existing, for the posts I read that made me feel less lonely, for the people I met that chose to stay by my side and help me without having to. Without this place I wouldn't have found such amazing people that just like me are suffering unfairly.
I'm still alive, I'm "fine". All the shit of my life still exists, mind you all. But at least I've found someone to share this existence, or what's left of it, with. I'll stick for this dream of mine, and do my best for what I can. Whatever way I go down, I'll eventually become history either way.
I want to thank specifically:
- Him: For being on my side and kind all the time despite the shit of the world. For being my trusted ally throughout the storm that is life. You're invaluable.
- Her: For popping into my life and choosing to be part of it, willingly. For choosing to fuse our cursed destinies, wherever they'll lead us. I won't leave you and I'll pursue our path until the very end.
- SaSu Folks/Friends/Pals: Those who I spoke to frequently or not, in chats, and that decided to share pieces of their lives and pain with me. That helped me cope to various degrees with injustices of life. People who temporarily crossed me and said hi to me on the way. Even if the stay was not permanent or exceedingly deep, all input is always appreciated and valued.
- The Group: For sharing on a closer level pain and suffering and empathy. Even if not extremely long, it was an interesting experience, and even if it is sad to know I am not the only suffering and that many others also are, known or not. The present and the past folks who left this world, too.
The knight on a plastic horse, with a cardboard sword, fencing off the darkness. Bleeding, burning heart.
I've been still in contact with some members here, off-site, that I see as my close friends. They've supported me so far and I thank them for that; it's incredible to have found people willing to support me emotionally through my pain and suffering. Of course there's a limit on what someone can do virtually to help, but it's still appreciated nonetheless.
In this I also found a person willing to stick with me more than others; I ironically found the opposite of death on here. Don't get me wrong though, my life is still shit and everything is wrong, but now I've found a soul to share my journey with, that I'm willing to spend my time with. And wherever our path, together, will lead, I'll follow. Whether the path will lead down to death or life, I at least won't thread it alone. Last week has been amazing, and now I am in front of an uncertain future. The one I've always been seeing and dreading for about 5 years now, however time doesn't stop.
Success or not, I just gotta come to terms with it. So long I'll be able to do that, I can say that my life will be an acceptable life. Loneliness kills me. Without any sort of support I would've gone mad long, long ago.
I don't want anything and anyone to stop me, this is the path I chose to take, on my own, out of my own volition and accord. No external force shall tell me that this is right or wrong, for that is for me to decide. I will refuse anything that tries to dictate what's best for me without even knowing me.
I'll likely be much less active or completely inactive probably, in the future. I can't make promises. But this place, the folks in it, the posts I made, the things I got: I am thankful for them all. For this place existing, for the posts I read that made me feel less lonely, for the people I met that chose to stay by my side and help me without having to. Without this place I wouldn't have found such amazing people that just like me are suffering unfairly.
I'm still alive, I'm "fine". All the shit of my life still exists, mind you all. But at least I've found someone to share this existence, or what's left of it, with. I'll stick for this dream of mine, and do my best for what I can. Whatever way I go down, I'll eventually become history either way.
I want to thank specifically:
- Him: For being on my side and kind all the time despite the shit of the world. For being my trusted ally throughout the storm that is life. You're invaluable.
- Her: For popping into my life and choosing to be part of it, willingly. For choosing to fuse our cursed destinies, wherever they'll lead us. I won't leave you and I'll pursue our path until the very end.
- SaSu Folks/Friends/Pals: Those who I spoke to frequently or not, in chats, and that decided to share pieces of their lives and pain with me. That helped me cope to various degrees with injustices of life. People who temporarily crossed me and said hi to me on the way. Even if the stay was not permanent or exceedingly deep, all input is always appreciated and valued.
- The Group: For sharing on a closer level pain and suffering and empathy. Even if not extremely long, it was an interesting experience, and even if it is sad to know I am not the only suffering and that many others also are, known or not. The present and the past folks who left this world, too.
The knight on a plastic horse, with a cardboard sword, fencing off the darkness. Bleeding, burning heart.
