S
Sleepdrifter
Student
- Jun 22, 2020
- 151
I've always been fiercely independent and demanded to myself that I will make it on my own but recent events have made me question this. I am stuck in an endless psychological loop of wanting to take charge of my life and realising I am completely out of my league. I have no friends or family, no guidance or direction, nothing to do these days apart from get drunk or wander around town, and virtually all my coping strategies are exhausted.
The hardest thing is desperately wanting to do something about the situation then knowing this isn't possible without help. Then feeling even more isolated. There are barely any social groups here and I come from a background of poverty so getting help and meeting others is crazy difficult. It's everything, practical things such as a reference for a job, a referee for university, a gurantour for a flat, or abstract things such as knowing your place in society, what's generally expected of you, having a cup of tea with just someone.
I used to go on reddit and try to explain this and people there just couldn't understand that not everything can be googled on the internet. And the solution to everything is being a money-making go-getter (though they can never vouch for an example of when this has worked). I have literally nothing to do all day apart from sit around online anyway. This causes me so much suffering I am going through painkillers like crazy. Without any place in the world or anything to do it's like being effectively retired. And yet I'm expected to take charge of myself???
If there is the expectation that I have to sort myself out and no opportunity to actually do this alone then why am I sticking around? Having bad options all the time isn't choice it's just more poverty. All I want is a job beyond basic entry level and not be forced to spend 100 % of my free time in isolation. I am so sick of this.
The hardest thing is desperately wanting to do something about the situation then knowing this isn't possible without help. Then feeling even more isolated. There are barely any social groups here and I come from a background of poverty so getting help and meeting others is crazy difficult. It's everything, practical things such as a reference for a job, a referee for university, a gurantour for a flat, or abstract things such as knowing your place in society, what's generally expected of you, having a cup of tea with just someone.
I used to go on reddit and try to explain this and people there just couldn't understand that not everything can be googled on the internet. And the solution to everything is being a money-making go-getter (though they can never vouch for an example of when this has worked). I have literally nothing to do all day apart from sit around online anyway. This causes me so much suffering I am going through painkillers like crazy. Without any place in the world or anything to do it's like being effectively retired. And yet I'm expected to take charge of myself???
If there is the expectation that I have to sort myself out and no opportunity to actually do this alone then why am I sticking around? Having bad options all the time isn't choice it's just more poverty. All I want is a job beyond basic entry level and not be forced to spend 100 % of my free time in isolation. I am so sick of this.