Venting Starting to not give a fuck about location

[Marz]

The more I think about it the more stupid I feel for wanting to not do it in the most availabe place I have. As in, the house I'm living at. If I keep delaying to find a proper place to do it I'll never get it done.

 

[Escaper Boy]

Ho boy, location is basically the final puzzle piece I need to solve in order to ctb. I already have everything. I have no reason to continue living any further. Existence had become unbearable. But, the need for "perfect" location is just that strong. I can't believe I am trying to be a perfectionist in this situation.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

The more I think about it the more stupid I feel for wanting to not do it in the most availabe place I have. As in, the house I'm living at. If I keep delaying to find a proper place to do it I'll never get it done.

I totally get you I plan on using a firearm and it take so much stress off if I just shot myself in my apartment but I have a lot of stuff from my childhood like old school books, yugi-oh cards etc. and I don´t want to ruin those things with my decomposing body if it´s not found quickly and the same goes for the rest of my possesions but I understand how you feel sometimes I just think fuck it and just want to get it overwith.

Because if it doesn´t happen in the apartment where I can close the blinds and wave my gun around as I like without anyone seeing it I would have to go outside in the forest and in the day there is a big chance of people spotting me so if I chicken out while holding a gun to my head and people call the cops I am fucked so my only option is my apartment or the forest at night fuck I hate how stressfull location is.

 

[JadedGray]

I totally get you I plan on using a firearm and it take so much stress off if I just shot myself in my apartment but I have a lot of stuff from my childhood like old school books, yugi-oh cards etc. and I don´t want to ruin those things with my decomposing body if it´s not found quickly and the same goes for the rest of my possesions but I understand how you feel sometimes I just think fuck it and just want to get it overwith.

Because if it doesn´t happen in the apartment where I can close the blinds and wave my gun around as I like without anyone seeing it I would have to go outside in the forest and in the day there is a big chance of people spotting me so if I chicken out while holding a gun to my head and people call the cops I am fucked so my only option is my apartment or the forest at night fuck I hate how stressfull location is.

You would also have to worry about blood/brain splatter making a mess of everything.

 

[Marz]

I totally get you I plan on using a firearm and it take so much stress off if I just shot myself in my apartment but I have a lot of stuff from my childhood like old school books, yugi-oh cards etc. and I don´t want to ruin those things with my decomposing body if it´s not found quickly and the same goes for the rest of my possesions but I understand how you feel sometimes I just think fuck it and just want to get it overwith.

Because if it doesn´t happen in the apartment where I can close the blinds and wave my gun around as I like without anyone seeing it I would have to go outside in the forest and in the day there is a big chance of people spotting me so if I chicken out while holding a gun to my head and people call the cops I am fucked so my only option is my apartment or the forest at night fuck I hate how stressfull location is.

Yeah, I get that. For me it's because the house I live in isn't mine and it feels morally wrong. But finding a park to hang myself at is becoming increasingly hard and I could be spotted easily. It's making a wreck of nerves. I could just go and do it here as morally challenging as that is. I'm desperate.

You would also have to worry about blood/brain splatter making a mess of everything.

This reminds me of a comment on a youtube video where a girl stated she found brain matter of her deceased friend at some cabinet, even when they had cleaned up in depth. He shot himself 8 months prior to that.

 

[spanishguy22]

If I just had a shotgun ugh .. I'd just go as far as possible in nature and bye...
Im scared of somehow surviving SN as a vegetable that's the only reason I haven't done anything
I sometimes envy people who just YOLO it but at the same time not really because things do go wrong for a lot of them
It's hurting to live a lot tho pff

 

[JadedGray]

Yeah, I get that. For me it's because the house I live in isn't mine and it feels morally wrong. But finding a park to hang myself at is becoming increasingly hard and I could be spotted easily. It's making a wreck of nerves. I could just go and do it here as morally challenging as that is. I'm desperate.

This reminds me of a comment on a youtube video where a girl stated she found brain matter of her deceased friend at some cabinet, even when they had cleaned up in depth. He shot himself 8 months prior to that.

That's terrible. Unfortunately, it's close to impossible to clean up everything perfectly. There will always be a drop of blood or speck of brain matter you don't even notice.

 

[dandan]

some things change when you are on the route to Catch the Bus....

not giving a fuck about location must be one of them...

you might be getting closer to CTB, but you are not jus yet there...

 

[TAW122]

I'm sorry about this and I've felt the same way too. If things become too difficult and desperate (including people who actively try to intervene, stop me, and what not) then I won't hesitate do it at "any" location. If they are selfish enough to intervene and make it so difficult that I can't even find a proper place and time to CTB, then fuck them and their property. It's society's fault for creating circumstances that push people (me included) to the edge with no escape and not (entirely) our problem for being desperate.

 

[Santiago]

I'll just do it in my room. Call 911 first and tell them to send somebody over so my body doesn't just lay there for weeks and then wait until I see the cops out of my window. And then bang shot to the head. Lights out.

 

[dyingtodie]

Shoot yourself in the tub to make cleanup for others easier as the brilliant Louis Ck's advises at about 1:11 in:


Exactly @thrw_a_way1221221
"It's society's fault for creating circumstances that push people (me included) to the edge with no escape and not (entirely) our problem for being desperate."

I've thought about this a lot too. And don't want to traumatize whoever finds my body. But, the more suicidal I've become the more I've thought, fuck it. My landmates last winter knew I was suicidal and literally never in months checked on me to see if I was okay, so I realized I had no reason to feel bad if I did leave my corpse there.

Now I'm renting a little spot and besides leaving my self here I may also leave a bunch of junk materials I've been scavenging to build a tiny house with. But again...I feel it's the responsibility of my community to make sure I am okay and give me a peaceable means to end my life or see how I can better cope. Since I have no community, the responsibility then lies with Society. Capitalism and a fucked world led me to this desperate position, so fuck everyone. They created a hell for me, so, dealing with dead bodies is just part of the deal.

Why should I be burdened with the extra pressure of making sure my passing doesn't inconvenience others? The only way to do this that I can imagine is going into the forest, except I'd need my vehicle to get me there, so I'd end up stressing the search and rescue service. And, if I could simply go to a forest, that would probably mean I'm not so depressed as to need to ctb. So...I don't blame myself anymore or feel guilty if i have to drop my body wherever. Just slightly embarassed...but whoever finds me should be more embarassed at living in and supporting a world that forces people into dire straits.

I like the idea of calling 911 1st but they may catch up to you before you get past your SI. I mean, even with a gun or noose to your head...it may still take some time to pull the trigger.

 

[spanishguy22]

Shoot yourself in the tub to make cleanup for others easier as the brilliant Louis Ck's advises at about 1:11 in:


Exactly @thrw_a_way1221221
"It's society's fault for creating circumstances that push people (me included) to the edge with no escape and not (entirely) our problem for being desperate."

I've thought about this a lot too. And don't want to traumatize whoever finds my body. But, the more suicidal I've become the more I've thought, fuck it. My landmates last winter knew I was suicidal and literally never in months checked on me to see if I was okay, so I realized I had no reason to feel bad if I did leave my corpse there.

Now I'm renting a little spot and besides leaving my self here I may also leave a bunch of junk materials I've been scavenging to build a tiny house with. But again...I feel it's the responsibility of my community to make sure I am okay and give me a peaceable means to end my life or see how I can better cope. Since I have no community, the responsibility then lies with Society. Capitalism and a fucked world led me to this desperate position, so fuck everyone. They created a hell for me, so, dealing with dead bodies is just part of the deal.

Why should I be burdened with the extra pressure of making sure my passing doesn't inconvenience others? The only way to do this that I can imagine is going into the forest, except I'd need my vehicle to get me there, so I'd end up stressing the search and rescue service. And, if I could simply go to a forest, that would probably mean I'm not so depressed as to need to ctb. So...I don't blame myself anymore or feel guilty if i have to drop my body wherever. Just slightly embarassed...but whoever finds me should be more embarassed at living in and supporting a world that forces people into dire straits.

I like the idea of calling 911 1st but they may catch up to you before you get past your SI. I mean, even with a gun or noose to your head...it may still take some time to pull the trigger.

Ho boy, location is basically the final puzzle piece I need to solve in order to ctb. I already have everything. I have no reason to continue living any further. Existence had become unbearable. But, the need for "perfect" location is just that strong. I can't believe I am trying to be a perfectionist in this situation.

Im going through this right now. I need a car but I can't without money and rental cars may have cameras.
Hotel is only option but I'm scared of making noise while vomiting..

 

[Halo13]

Im going through this right now. I need a car but I can't without money and rental cars may have cameras.
Hotel is only option but I'm scared of making noise while vomiting..

Depending on the hotel, many rooms are soundproof.

 

[dandan]

c'mon,
if all I had was only being afraid of "people hearing me vomit" (and maybe them stoping my bus ride)
c'mon
I wish my only barrier was that above....

CTB is so much more than that... I guess you will understand once you're closer? maybe...

 

[Marz]

c'mon,
if all I had was only being afraid of "people hearing me vomit" (and maybe them stoping my bus ride)
c'mon
I wish my only barrier was that above....

CTB is so much more than that... I guess you will understand once you're closer? maybe...

I mean, if someone stops me I'll be fucking vegetative. It's obviously something to worry about.
I'm past that, though. I have the place and the method. I only need the time frame. I'm ready. Don't know what your whole 'it's much more than that' thing is but I don't really care.

 

[AE496]

I mean, if someone stops me I'll be fucking vegetative. It's obviously something to worry about.
I'm past that, though. I have the place and the method. I only need the time frame. I'm ready. Don't know what your whole 'it's much more than that' thing is but I don't really care.

Hi Marz. It seems I cant PM you because I am a new member. I live in BA and speak Spanish. Would love to chat if you want.

 

[Marz]

Hi Marz. It seems I cant PM you because I am a new member. I live in BA and speak Spanish. Would love to chat if you want.

I see. Tienes red social por donde hablar? Ahi te paso mi tlf. Aquí no me fio.

 

[AE496]

I see. Tienes red social por donde hablar? Ahi te paso mi tlf. Aquí no me fio.

escribime a ae49612arrobagmailpuntocom

 

[Adieu]

The more I think about it the more stupid I feel for wanting to not do it in the most availabe place I have. As in, the house I'm living at. If I keep delaying to find a proper place to do it I'll never get it done.

Hola, soy nuevo y dice que tengo que postear cinco veces (creo) el coso este.
Si alguno/a argentino tiene ganas de hablar encantado! Saludos