starting an attempt and not finishing? (especially sn)

[Ah.ow]

I wondered if anyone talked about this or might.

I worried i won't feel the same way for an attempt that'd take some hours or days. I don't know if that matters, if the lethal part of the attempt is much shorter?

but I felt confused how to think of approaching the earlier preparation, like with SN.

I don't mean that I'm unfamiliar with the steps, I read the guides. I mean for someone confused by the length of that, and afraid of being dismissed as ambivalent or unsure or too little/much of something, I got lost.

some of my feelings feel too vulnerable, even though I'm afraid people will assume i mean certain feelings, but what did you think or do or hear?

 

[Praestat_Mori]

You can always abort your attempt it only becomes risky if you decide to abort after you ingested SN.

The relatively long preparation time is also sth that worries me if I decided to attempt with SN. There's so much time to rethink the decision.

 

[tobias]

Hey! I have never tried SN, but I already gave up in the middle of a hanging attempt.

I organized everything: bought the rope, knotted it and placed the chair. I put the rope in my neck but I gave up and decided to step back before kicking the chair, but I was aware that if I missed anything, I could die. That time I had the greatest self-control I have ever experienced in my whole life... I started to patiently unknot the rope from my neck, taking calm and spaced breaths so I wouldn't get anxious, and when I finished unknotting, I felt like my whole life passed in front of my eyes.

I felt like hours passed, but it only took 10 minutes through this. When I had the rope in my neck, I felt so powerful, like I had the capacity to end my existence anytime I wanted. After the failed attempt, I felt a piece of shit, the useless human being on Earth. I was not even capable to end my own life.

You know, feelings are difficult. Guilt is difficult. The only thing I would say is to take long and calm breaths so you can think better in all situations, and you can even discover that CTB is not your desire at that moment. The possibility of being permanently damaged from a failed attempt scares me to the bone.