BlendedHeart
It is what it is
- Mar 9, 2024
- 199
Today I had a powerful remainder I will always be alone. I don't know why I keep hanging to useless glimpses of hope. My efforts are useless, my emotions have no value. But that's not the point.
Coming home, I had to cross through a highway. Even if I had the way to cross it, I must've stood up on the sidewalk for 15-20 minutes, watching the cars go through at high speeds. My only thought at that moment was "what if?". What if I jump in front of one of those cars. What if I can end this suffering right here and now? But, as usual, I was a coward, and just cried in silence. I think this was the second or third time I cried in public as an adult. Not bawling out, but with tears running through my face. It's still an embarrassment, but luckily it was at night, so it was hard for others to notice.
One person going through the crosswalk had a t-shirt with the words "Today is the day". Maybe it was a signal? Haha, I don't know. Today wasn't the day I ctb, but maybe it's time to consider it more seriously, once and for all. Can't bear this loneliness for much longer.
Coming home, I had to cross through a highway. Even if I had the way to cross it, I must've stood up on the sidewalk for 15-20 minutes, watching the cars go through at high speeds. My only thought at that moment was "what if?". What if I jump in front of one of those cars. What if I can end this suffering right here and now? But, as usual, I was a coward, and just cried in silence. I think this was the second or third time I cried in public as an adult. Not bawling out, but with tears running through my face. It's still an embarrassment, but luckily it was at night, so it was hard for others to notice.
One person going through the crosswalk had a t-shirt with the words "Today is the day". Maybe it was a signal? Haha, I don't know. Today wasn't the day I ctb, but maybe it's time to consider it more seriously, once and for all. Can't bear this loneliness for much longer.
