Venting soooo close to relapse

[Stupid_Anon_Offline]

I'm super close to just a small tiny relapse after 94 days clean. it would feel so nice. all I can do anymore is feel like shit, at least that will make me feel alive. the fact it will upset people makes it even better for me. they should be worried, they should care. i don't know why that doesn't stop me. I just want to end it but that's not an option right now (sad).
Is relapse worth it? i don't know. I don't know what I want. this is so frustrating..

 

[emptyenvelopes]

You've made it this far, keep it up! Easier said than done I know. I think you should make a vision board of what you want and what's important to you. You could hang it up as a daily reminder to ground you and so you would have something to focus on