Sooo just my thoughts as usual.

[Livingvsdying25]

Honestly bc I had been off benzos in a bit and in such a way... they are hitting now and omg it feels so fuckin nice but I am trying not to fall into it

This just feel so empty and fucking stressful I feel so locked up. I wish benzos were a sustainable treatment bc they seriously have an anti anxiety and a bit of anti depressant effect. I'll still be depressed but very like open???


As the move is coming up I'm just kinda stressed but as not much is happening it's just sitting stress.... preanticipated stress???

I hate being sober anyway which doesn't tell me much about my addictive habits more so just on my feel in life.

It's easy to break any pattern for me it's just I don't see much of a reason these days.

I'm not sure how over life I am... I kinda would be content living really lowkey. Work/some kinda school variation just for $$$ sake... continuing as a stoner and getting more into gaming & watching things.


Like until otherwise I'm kinda ok living as a hermit. I see my friends occasionally and go to things if I want but no pressure to live any kinda life like I felt before.

I want to remain decided but undecided.

I'm hoping even with recent events that N can still be a equired and I can work towards that. If not other methods but I would really at the very least obtain it this yr.

Knowing I can die anytime doesn't make me wanna live it just makes me know I can be here for a bit if I want to. & I think I'd like to literally just spend a bit of life relaxed in whatever way.

I'd like to be able to go out doing some fun things and then still be able to go on if I didn't make the choice to die after...

That's where my mind is at. If death ever became unattainable like before I'd hate being alive lmao & if it does become unattainable I'll jump.

I'd hate it that's my last resort but I refuse to be here beside anything but choice I don't think I can "live" otherwise.

I guess in a gist/TLDR: I wish
Benzos could be a sustainable method of treatment. I still want to die but I love that I now have a choice & would like to spend a bit of life just chilling.

Ps. I don't really proofread till later so ‍ hope its readable.

 

[Quarky00]

As my ctb date approaches I feel the same .. Maybe I could just take off and live secluded etc. I also think many of us could use some long long vacation anyway. I also miss and think about fun I used to have etc.

I wouldn't mention it, but you appear to benefit for benzos, so maybe long-acting , low dosage could really help? idk .