Venting Somewhere safe.

[Anxieyote]

This is a vent post, I don't have any insights or thoughts to share.

I am shaking from a panic attack, trying to calm down and I don't know where else to go. I don't want to be a burden, but probably shouldn't be alone right now.

If I could describe how I'm feeling right now, I feel like a little kid lost in an airport or supermarket. I can't find my mom and I'm about to cry.

I don't like being vulnerable like this; I really don't. There's nothing dignified or acceptable about it, and I hate myself for not being able to maintain a 'frame', if that makes sense. I want to seem collected and thoughtful and smart, but I can't always maintain that facade. I'm hurting and weak and scared out of my mind.

When I start talking to my stuffed animals, I know I'm riding the line between anxious and psychotic. I know they're not real, but at the same time, I need them to be to get through an episode. I just got done talking to one of them and I'm trying to pull back a little bit and come back down to earth. They're asking me questions. And now head is spinning one second

 

[nopointofliving]

I feel your pain. I feel like this many times. We all need love warmth, we all need to feel safe. Unfortunately, it's hard to feel safe in this worldly chaos.
You're probably living far away from me, I assure you I'm a real person, I can hear you and feel your pain. Give you a tight virtual hug. I'm sending tons of healing energy. Please receive them. It's true we have to suffer this life, but noone has to suffer alone. You aren't alone, many people here can relate to your pain and suffer. Hugs and much love to you <3

 

[Anxieyote]

I feel your pain. I feel like this many times. We all need love warmth, we all need to feel safe. Unfortunately, it's hard to feel safe in this worldly chaos.
You're probably living far away from me, I assure you I'm a real person, I can hear you and feel your pain. Give you a tight virtual hug. I'm sending tons of healing energy. Please receive them. It's true we have to suffer this life, but noone has to suffer alone. You aren't alone, many people here can relate to your pain and suffer. Hugs and much love to you <3

Thank you for saying that and being here. It has been really tough, and sometimes I minimize what I'm going through to maintain some semblance of normalcy. But my job causes me so much mental pain, that it reduces me to a stuttering mess. The coworkers I have are not kind to me at all, and negative interactions stack up until my brain shuts down. Psycho episodes have been more and more common. I am accepting your hug, and sending a virtual hug back to you

 

[nopointofliving]

Thank you for saying that and being here. It has been really tough, and sometimes I minimize what I'm going through to maintain some semblance of normalcy. But my job causes me so much mental pain, that it reduces me to a stuttering mess. The coworkers I have are not kind to me at all, and negative interactions stack up until my brain shuts down. Psycho episodes have been more and more common.

I understand, and feel your pain. I see you're strong, you handle much negativity throughout day, and now you feel tired and fed up. You know, even the most strong warriors get exhausted after bloody battles. After fighting and struggling all day long with negative people, you need some rest. Treat yourself right, make a cup of coffee or hot chocolate, relax under your warm blanket, and watch something you like or listen to some music. Generate some energy for the next struggle. You're doing well so far, and once you feel empowered enough, try to change your workplace. Remember, you aren't responsible if people treat you bad, it's their problem, not yours. If their connection doesn't serve you, just collect your stuff, and leave. You're a good human being, and you deserve good stuff as much as anyone else.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you have to go through this, I understand it is hard to carry on when you are suffering so much. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.