somewhat short vent

[glowing.purple.aura]

(No rude or dismissive replies, please)

I have to suffer all day every day just because two selfish fucks decided this world didn't have enough victims.

My mom always acts like what's happening to me is just a mindset issue until it happens to her. She's currently storming around the house, yelling about how done she is but when I express that same sentiment (calmly, mind you), she tells me I need to be "over with it."

I seriously don't understand why she can't just accept that I'm struggling. Does she seriously think that all my suffering in the past 6+ years was just my mindset? Does she seriously think that wouldn't be addressed in all my years of treatment?

The other day, we met with yet another psychiatrist and my mom started the same talk that she always does, the "you need to actually put in the work, you have to be responsible for your own happiness, the medicine won't fix everything…" talk to which I just said "I've been in therapy since I was court ordered to at 7, I've seen probably 20 different therapists, did 2 PHPs, an IOP, exposure therapy, and I was inpatient. At this point you should just buy me a gun so I can shoot myself because you've already stated before that if "killing myself's what I have to do, that's what I have to do and there's nothing you can do to stop me."

I understand that was a bit crazy to say in front of the psychiatrist but I'm just so angry that nobody ever thinks I'm trying.

 

[here_for_now]

Your pain is real and valid and you're a beautiful soul who deserves much better I have no words for advice since I too am waiting for the opportunity to ctb

 

[LittleJem]

Victim-blaming....getting blamed for being ill and disabled..

 

[mustard tiger]

they wont understand. I have learned to just keep it to myself. they prefer to hear lies. so that is what they get.

 

[purebliss]

(No rude or dismissive replies, please)

I have to suffer all day every day just because two selfish fucks decided this world didn't have enough victims.

My mom always acts like what's happening to me is just a mindset issue until it happens to her. She's currently storming around the house, yelling about how done she is but when I express that same sentiment (calmly, mind you), she tells me I need to be "over with it."

I seriously don't understand why she can't just accept that I'm struggling. Does she seriously think that all my suffering in the past 6+ years was just my mindset? Does she seriously think that wouldn't be addressed in all my years of treatment?

The other day, we met with yet another psychiatrist and my mom started the same talk that she always does, the "you need to actually put in the work, you have to be responsible for your own happiness, the medicine won't fix everything…" talk to which I just said "I've been in therapy since I was court ordered to at 7, I've seen probably 20 different therapists, did 2 PHPs, an IOP, exposure therapy, and I was inpatient. At this point you should just buy me a gun so I can shoot myself because you've already stated before that if "killing myself's what I have to do, that's what I have to do and there's nothing you can do to stop me."

I understand that was a bit crazy to say in front of the psychiatrist but I'm just so angry that nobody ever thinks I'm trying.

You are completely right in being angry with your parents.

You never decided to want to live in this hell scape. You got here without your consent and were forced into this mess. It is insanely funny when parents of all people complain about issues they have with their kids as if they are not the one at fault for the misery of said child.
If they would have just closed their legs, aborted, used protection, whatever this could all have been prevented.
But no, their selfish desire for some false sense of immortality now requires you to suffer through this bs.

I feel you. I feel you hard.