Sometimes the Reality of My Life Just Hits Me

[KafkaF]

I spend a lot of time trying to cope with my circumstances. Find distractions and all of that. And then sometimes the full weight of the reality of my life just hits me.

13 years of on-and-off depression. 13 years of mostly wasted time. Not enjoying my youth. Not being able to enjoy college. Ending up without a diploma, without a job, no longer having a girlfriend.

It really hits me sometimes. The full weight of how bad it is.

I ignore it most of the time but when it hits me, it feels like I'm standing in front of a giant abyss.

I really screwed up my life so bad and there's no going back.

 

[Leavesfromthevine]

I understand the pain and relate to it immensely. Trying to find joy in life can seem impossible when everything hits all at once. I hope you can find moments of joy even with life being so rough.

 

[Hollowman]

Very relatable, I hate having moments of clarity they're overwhelming.

 

[Ironborn]

I get you friend, also been staring into that void for a long damn time, just know there's others like you out there.
I hope you find your peace, in this life or whatever comes after.
And whatever does happen after, maybe a few of us here might cross paths in the next world, I know I would like that.

 

[AllAlone]

I used to feel that way, but at this point I have accepted that I am a loser, waste of life. I used to be ashamed of what a loser I am but since I am going to kill myself anyway I really don't care anymore.

 

[Dingusguy]

I relate to your situation, sometimes it feels daunting to look back at my life and seeing just how little I've managed to do with it.
Regretting the past sucks since we can't change it. But like you said there is no going back. So we either have to keep moving forward and see where that takes us, or catch a ride on the bus. Either way I hope you find some joy, peace and happiness at some point.

 

[F@#$]

I spend a lot of time trying to cope with my circumstances. Find distractions and all of that. And then sometimes the full weight of the reality of my life just hits me.

13 years of on-and-off depression. 13 years of mostly wasted time. Not enjoying my youth. Not being able to enjoy college. Ending up without a diploma, without a job, no longer having a girlfriend.

It really hits me sometimes. The full weight of how bad it is.

I ignore it most of the time but when it hits me, it feels like I'm standing in front of a giant abyss.

I really screwed up my life so bad and there's no going back.

I find it amazing how many people post my same thoughts and whatever almost exactly. I've totally fucked off my life,I've tried to see the bright side but I know it's too late to fix. I'm just going through the motions until I can't take anymore.

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

I regret all my life choices - all of them. I have experienced so much trauma because of them. Release will be my relief. I can't wait to go

 

[Argo]

I get all of that, I just don't think "you" screwed up. You were simply thrown into this experience. How could "you" have screwed up if everything was so rigged for you? You could have been someone much less fortunate than you are(we don't need to think for very long to know there are people right this second who would beg and cry just to trade places with us-- the world is a bad place). You also could have been someone much more fortunate. Yet you're neither-- you're in the particular experience you're in. Did ... you choose that? Are you blameworthy for it?