Venting Sometimes I don’t want to kill myself

[UninformedLover]

Usually thinking about suicide is a relief to me but lately its been making me feel sad.

I just keep thinking about all the stuff I'll miss out on, all my favorite TV shows and books and movies and games I'll never experience and it makes me upset.

But I don't have any other options and I have to do it but it's not fair. Yeah I know everyone goes through hardships or whatever but why me? What the hell did I even do to deserve this? My entire life has been stolen from mental illness and I can't take it anymore.

My entire life I've heard, oh it'll get better don't worry and surprise it never did. I've been drowning in sadness since I was 12 years old I can't keep carrying this pain anymore. I refuse.

 

[unluckysadness]

I have such moments too when I watch a movie I like or listening to good music. It must be a mix between addiction to these stuffs and SI.

 

[amor.dor]

The soul wants to be free,
and the heart wants something to hold onto.
That is the human dilemma we live.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

To me i hate meaningless fleeting pleasurable addictions the most, especially watching videos, reading social media, watching news videos, TV, youyube

It's these addictions that wasted my precious time i could have used to decide on a method , work to get it ready, work on defeating si all so I can kill myself