Firstly, hello all. A newcomer here. This is hard to write, it might be a bit incoherent, I'm sorry for that.
So,
I had this intense and bad experience 3 days ago with/from my husband.
From that on, I'm startled very easily by sounds, my body is in a alarm mode. The flashbacks(?) of the event are triggered randomly throughout the day, even things that doesn't seemingly relate to it. Covering my own mouth is one certain one, but I don't know why, or do not remember. I have panic attacks and living in dissociation. Seeing or walking past the area where it happened feels like walking around a deep cave in full darkness. There is something scary and evil, that would hurt me if I entered.
I am scared of him, I can't touch him, I scan for a new threat constantly and can't make it stop. Every move he makes, especially sudden or fast ones, I flinch. If he comes close to me or tries to touch, my body goes straight in to a fight-flight mode, and the feelings what I had of the event comes involuntary like a switch.
The pictures of the event are scattered, but very intense mush of vivid lighting, movements, sounds and colours, few sentences, but my reactions/feelings are _there_. As if it was a faint memory of a nightmare, that you forgot to wake up.
I am feeling like an animal, that is hold in a small cage, that can't escape of its abusive owner. My heart pounds, I can hardly eat or sleep. I'm in anxiety mode day and night, my body is shaking, light-headed, I can't focus/ remember well or at all, my muscles are tense and neck + shoulders are totally locked up and in. Some time of the day I catch myself locked, staring at nothing, and don't know how long the time has passed. I do have daily dissociation in my life, but this combined with all of the above is something different.
I don't know how long this will last, or how to resolve this.
I've taken lorazepam once or twice a day to ease my body from all the tension, it works for a while, couple hours.
I don't know what's happening to me.
If someone here has first/second-hand knowledge, has been or is in a similiar state of mind, resolved or has tools to make it easier, all the information from the topic is very much appreciated.
So,
I had this intense and bad experience 3 days ago with/from my husband.
From that on, I'm startled very easily by sounds, my body is in a alarm mode. The flashbacks(?) of the event are triggered randomly throughout the day, even things that doesn't seemingly relate to it. Covering my own mouth is one certain one, but I don't know why, or do not remember. I have panic attacks and living in dissociation. Seeing or walking past the area where it happened feels like walking around a deep cave in full darkness. There is something scary and evil, that would hurt me if I entered.
I am scared of him, I can't touch him, I scan for a new threat constantly and can't make it stop. Every move he makes, especially sudden or fast ones, I flinch. If he comes close to me or tries to touch, my body goes straight in to a fight-flight mode, and the feelings what I had of the event comes involuntary like a switch.
The pictures of the event are scattered, but very intense mush of vivid lighting, movements, sounds and colours, few sentences, but my reactions/feelings are _there_. As if it was a faint memory of a nightmare, that you forgot to wake up.
I am feeling like an animal, that is hold in a small cage, that can't escape of its abusive owner. My heart pounds, I can hardly eat or sleep. I'm in anxiety mode day and night, my body is shaking, light-headed, I can't focus/ remember well or at all, my muscles are tense and neck + shoulders are totally locked up and in. Some time of the day I catch myself locked, staring at nothing, and don't know how long the time has passed. I do have daily dissociation in my life, but this combined with all of the above is something different.
I don't know how long this will last, or how to resolve this.
I've taken lorazepam once or twice a day to ease my body from all the tension, it works for a while, couple hours.
I don't know what's happening to me.
If someone here has first/second-hand knowledge, has been or is in a similiar state of mind, resolved or has tools to make it easier, all the information from the topic is very much appreciated.
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