Something powerful wants you to die

[WanderingEremite]

Have you ever felt that things were getting so bad for you, and so rapidly, that it was as if some highly powerful or even supernatural entity/entities wanted you dead? This isn't to ask whether you really believed, or believe, this to be true (though if so, please share your experience). Rather, have you ever been at the point that your circumstances felt as if they could be the result of a superpowerful entity's (or superpowerful entities') persecution?

 

[Wantingpeace]

Yes

 

[Wantingpeace]

Yes

Going in and out, mostly in really black stuff near death experiences. Occasionally get breaks and then I don't think that.

 

[IfHeDiesHeDies]

I do believe in a higher power though i am not religious. But I don't think he/she cares much about my life. to me,things just happen randomly, there doesnt need to be a reason.

 

[bigj75]

I think it's natural selection.

 

[Susannah]

Yes sometimes. Since my elderly brother died many many years ago, when I was a teenager, my mum always said (still do), that our family are cursed. She also talked me down, probably because I reminds her og my father (she hated him). When I heared that, often, over years, I started thinking of it. My younger brother is the "hero" in my family, being a child when his brother died. He was "spared" for all the negative talk. He's very grounded, not overthinking. I've been throught too much, both physically and mentally. Often I feel like being tested, to see how much I can take.

 

[MEoDP]

Back when I was getting bullied constantly as a child,I was devout Christian. Every night,I prayed and begged in tears for God/Jesus to save me from my tormentors. I had the power to end the bullying myself,but my teachers and religious authorities back then force fed me the "Violence is never the answer" bullshit. It was only until later on that I would finally lose it and deliver physical justice to some of my bullies. I actively started rebelling against my religion. While I can't say getting into fights provided a cure-all for my problems, (Sadly,my problem wasn't that simple) it certainly solved a lot of the immediate problems I had. The most notable one was the last fight I ever got into,where I beat up the biggest bully of the school,allowing me to graduate in peace,then subsequently enjoy the peace of my college life. Oh,and at some point before college,I stopped believing in Christianity. I'm an Atheist now.

Maybe not the answer you were expecting,but here's mine.

 

[bigj75]

Yes sometimes. Since my elderly brother died many many years ago, when I was a teenager, my mum always said (still do), that our family are cursed. She also talked me down, probably because I reminds her og my father (she hated him). When I heared that, often, over years, I started thinking of it. My younger brother is the "hero" in my family, being a child when his brother died. He was "spared" for all the negative talk. He's very grounded, not overthinking. I've been throught too much, both physically and mentally. Often I feel like being tested, to see how much I can take.

that's fucked up. Sorry to hear you going through that.

 

[Hunter]

Have you ever felt that things were getting so bad for you, and so rapidly, that it was as if some highly powerful or even supernatural entity/entities wanted you dead? This isn't to ask whether you really believed, or believe, this to be true (though if so, please share your experience). Rather, have you ever been at the point that your circumstances felt as if they could be the result of a superpowerful entity's (or superpowerful entities') persecution?

Yes but there isn't anything.

 

[TengoK]

Definitely. In fact, I'm more and more convinced of it. I don't know what *it* is, but I do think there's something controlling what happens in my life, as I seriously don't think this constant parade of utterly shit circumstances is normal. Unless I did something horrendously awful - murder or something - in a previous life and this is my punishment. One of the lines in my final note (though I still may rewrite it) is that 'I just wanted some simple good fortune'. I'm not asking for a miracle, nothing amazing or incredible, just A Simple Bit of Decent Luck. That's it. That really would make all the difference to me and might even help me go on. But at the moment I just don't see that happening - at all.

 

[Circles]

One of my favorite theories regarding consciousness, life and the universe is that it's literally all connected to the point that every living creature that has lived and will ever live is the same being or 'source' of energy and it plays with itself so to speak. The Egg theory is what it's called where we are the universes way of experiencing itself as Carl Sagan puts it. Alan Watts said it's the "wigglyness of nature' and our true selves are just that flickers of light and dust that collect and pass on limited information to transfer it to the 'source' whatever it may be. One of my own theories is that none of this actually exists and we are literally the VOID's way of coping with itself. That's why there is so much suffering cause the 'void' cannot feel or touch or die. It probably feeds on our suffering so it can accumulate an understanding of what could be. Then there's the multiverse where every possibility is played out and if so the VOID is trying to churn out every possibility to consume. That's why black holes exists is because they consume matter and so are natures 'links' to the source. We are the Void trying to cope with its situation so in turn it creates suffering as a mechanism to keeps us at bay and keep living. But then us humans came along and got to smart for our own good and when we stare at nature for answers as to why we exists and why anything happens at all is irrelevant because we are the answer. And since we cannot find any answers when we confront the void we create our own aka religions/ideologies/etc. I hate that saying 'it just is' but in this case it seems to work for me cause there's nothing I can do about it besides killing myself or accept this existence for whatever reason or not it exists.

 

[Obliged to do it]

Yes, thats in fact the main reason im doing it.
I dont know if i want to go in full detail but i can tell you im under powerful entity/entities prosecution. I was never suicidal until i came in contact with them.

It makes me inclined to believe in an afterlife but at the same time im scared of how even more terribly could things turn out there, given that these entities have been incredibly evil to me and its very likely they are torturing me for their own entertainment

 

[Wantingpeace]

One of my favorite theories regarding consciousness, life and the universe is that it's literally all connected to the point that every living creature that has lived and will ever live is the same being or 'source' of energy and it plays with itself so to speak. The Egg theory is what it's called where we are the universes way of experiencing itself as Carl Sagan puts it. Alan Watts said it's the "wigglyness of nature' and our true selves are just that flickers of light and dust that collect and pass on limited information to transfer it to the 'source' whatever it may be. One of my own theories is that none of this actually exists and we are literally the VOID's way of coping with itself. That's why there is so much suffering cause the 'void' cannot feel or touch or die. It probably feeds on our suffering so it can accumulate an understanding of what could be. Then there's the multiverse where every possibility is played out and if so the VOID is trying to churn out every possibility to consume. That's why black holes exists is because they consume matter and so are natures 'links' to the source. We are the Void trying to cope with its situation so in turn it creates suffering as a mechanism to keeps us at bay and keep living. But then us humans came along and got to smart for our own good and when we stare at nature for answers as to why we exists and why anything happens at all is irrelevant because we are the answer. And since we cannot find any answers when we confront the void we create our own aka religions/ideologies/etc. I hate that saying 'it just is' but in this case it seems to work for me cause there's nothing I can do about it besides killing myself or accept this existence for whatever reason or not it exists.

Yes this is what i felt believed but after terrible drug reaction it is so bizarre for years It is like I've been severed and dropped in the void. No sense of existence. I don't know what on earth has happened.

 

[Circles]

Yes this is what i felt believed but after terrible drug reaction it is so bizarre for years It is like I've been severed and dropped in the void. No sense of existence. I don't know what on earth has happened.

Depersonalizations. That's what you are experiencing. You're tying to let go of your ego when it's impossible to do so. When all you have is the void what can you do? The optimists would say create something and stop worrying about it but I call hogwash. You took yours lenses off of the reality you were used too. Now that world is no more you feel lost. I am the same.

 

[Wantingpeace]

Depersonalizations. That's what you are experiencing. You're tying to let go of your ego when it's impossible to do so. When all you have is the void what can you do? The optimists would say create something and stop worrying about it but I call hogwash. You took yours lenses off of the reality you were used too. Now that world is no more you feel lost. I am the same.

I don't think it is..feels like what you described as "being" has left. Nothing left.

 

[Wantingpeace]

I don't think it is..feels like what you described as "being" has left. Nothing left.

I had depersonalisation before. This isn't it

 

[bigj75]

From a natural selection perspective the weaker an organism becomes the more bad things are likely to happen to that organism. At some point depression/suicidal thoughts are implemented from natural selection ane deems it better for that orgamism to die than continue to live and suffer beyond that organisms capacity.

Think about it. Mostly all of us were weakened by our parents, a diese, or the environment from abuse or an accident. Thus starts the process. Now here we are on this forum at the point where natural selection has deemed us better off dying than continuing on suffering.

 

[Strumgewehr]

Actually I feel the opposite. I've been through so much shit I should have been dead a decade ago. After numerious seemingly foolproof attempts I find myself somehow still alive. When I think about it I feel like something doesn't want me take control of my destiny.

 

[Caustic Cardinals]

I think it's natural selection.

 

[satou]

I get the opposite feeling too. That something wants me to live to do something special. It's just my mood swings going to energetic. So when crows are making noise outside my window it's not really a message from Odin telling me to stay alive to fulfil my destiny...

I'm an atheist so when I am normal again I look back and wonder if actual religious people feel like that all the time. That must be weird as fuck.

 

[Obliged to do it]

I know i must sound as a lunatic and thats why i ve never shared this with anyone before but the thread question was on point for me.
Obviously i would be in shock if someone else experiences the same but it is what it is for me

 

[bigj75]

 

[Caustic Cardinals]

You've got a little something on your chin

 

[bigj75]

You've got a little something on your chin

 

[Abel]

I personally believe it's just horrible luck. There are billions of people in the world, not everyone is going to have a happy ending.

 

[Caustic Cardinals]

[/QUOTwith the Rhythm

 

[bigj75]

I personally believe it's just horrible luck. There are billions of people in the world, not everyone is going to have a happy ending.

Overpopulation!

 

[Caustic Cardinals]

Overpopulation!

(ﾉ>ω<)ﾉ :｡･:*:･ﾟ'★,｡･:*:♪･ﾟ'☆autofellatio

 

[bigj75]

(ﾉ>ω<)ﾉ :｡･:*:･ﾟ'★,｡･:*:♪･ﾟ'☆autofellatio

Never tried that before! Lol

 

[Caustic Cardinals]

Never tried that before! Lol

you know because overpopulation and shortage of happy endings