Venting Something is seriously wrong with me

[c4bomba]

Something is seriously wrong with me. I am evidently not like others and I don't mean it in a flattering way but rather in a mentally r3tarded, stunted mental growth something something way. I express this concern indirectly and they say "you're alright" "you're normal" but the way I can physically feel the the earth and moon difference when I am standing beside my peers and I'm sure others can do but they never say it. My family pretends to never listen to me whenever I talk or anything and they treat me like a ghost and when I try they dismiss my concern entirely saying how it's not that deep maybe it truly isn't that deep but I dont know how should I know. I feel like I'm another species from humans entirely, I can't function normally like others but I'm not completely dysfunctional as compared to people that are actually considered special. I'm too functional to be considered special but too dysfunctional to be considered one of the normals id dont know anymore.

Normal people will notice their struggles and move the world hell and back to solve it, freely allowing themselves to burden others in the process sometimes. But I don't know if it's the same for me. I notice my struggles, I don't know how to improve them, I don't want to burden others with my problems so now I'm stuck being in this constant loop of suffering that I feel completely trapped in.

I just, really, really want to get myself out of this NEET life I'm tired of it I dont like it but I'm too scared of taking the next step or rather if I even know if I'm taking the right step because everytime I feel like I'm doing something I get badly criticized. When I tell people what I'll do next they laugh at me or don't care but when I do they get seriously mad at me. I seriously don't know I don't think I'm cut out for this life at all but There are so many things I find beautiful and want to experience but I know I cant but the hope keeps me live just to make me suffer later. I know I'm going to be 40 years old regretting everything especially how I wasted my entire life away regardless of the opportunities given just because I was scared to take action. No words will cure mE I need serious help but I'm scared of burdening others

 

[timf]

You mentioned anxiety at taking the "next step" In this situation anxiety can be reduced in two ways. First take a smaller step. Secondly have a plan "B" if the step doesn't work.

There are people who live by reflex and adapt to whatever social world they find themselves. For those of us who see ourselves as living more by manual control, life has to be more intentional. This often requires experimentation to try to discover what skills work and which ones don't.

 

[SoLowHollow48]

I can't function normally like others but I'm not completely dysfunctional as compared to people that are actually considered special. I'm too functional to be considered special but too dysfunctional to be considered one of the normals id dont know anymore.

Man, I always knew that something's up with me but I can't really put my finger on it. Internet based mental health tests don't work either (they're not serious methods of diagnosis anyway). I'm hoping that you get to save enough to get a proper diagnosis and then proceed with therapy.

Look, whatever we do, we'll always end up burdening others somehow and that's alright. What makes it justifiable is whether these people know, understand, and thus consent to letting themselves be your support system or not at all. I believe that people if you talk about your issues with friends/family members online/offline whom you trust, they will give you their support. What makes it justifiable is that you acknowledge that you're drowning right now but once you've found your boat, you'll get back to them and let them know that their efforts are appreciated. It doesn't have to be anything grandeur. Just popping up and letting them know that you're fine is enough. I think the people who really care about you will not ask you for money or for other favors from you for keeping you company.

Yes, when you're mentally ill, progress is slow. I've said this so many times.

Do not expect to be happy or wake up normal the next day. That's not how recovery works. And those around you should not expect this either. It takes a lot of time and adjustments but that's just what healing requires. You need others to help you. You cannot fight this alone and that does not make you weak. Hypothetically speaking, you're carrying a bunch of materials to build your house right now but you don't have a truck. So, you must borrow a truck from someone who has one to help you move your equipment.

You are stronger for asking for help than shutting yourself out from everyone else because you don't want to burden them. It takes a bunch of courage to be open about your problems as it does to ingest SN and die.

Well, at this point, the choice is in your hands. I wish you the best of luck. Never be reluctant to bother the shit out of people. There are 8 billion of us now. If your family can't give a shit and your friend can't too, we're here on this site ready to lend you an ear.