someone to talk to in the end?

[naomewki]

hi everyone i dont know if this allowed here but i was looking for someone who i could talk to while i leave? im not sure if thats allowed but i think talking might help me stay calm and not get too upset, i dont have anyone around me and ive finished up preparing to leave by making and cancelling a few appointments, i think that's all i really had to do-

i know alot of people advised against it but im going to be doing a more convenient method because it's all i have, i won't say the method so people don't get upset but i want to talk to someone in the process if that's okay

there's a few things i want to talk about, like the irony of wanting to die but wanting to save others, i know a lot of other people feel this way as well, i want to die but i don't want others to- it's weird and doesn't make sense but i cant help it,, other humans are just so beautiful and full of potential to me and o just want them to be happy but i know that my pain isn't unique and other people feel it too, it would be selfish for me to force someone to stay or live while i cant even follow that advice- but it makes me feel conflicted,,

i also really want to draw again and dance, i can't and never will get to but i want to, i don't think I've ever danced in my life but i have a desire to and i can feel my heart lighten a bit when thinking about dancing but then it fades immediately when i realize i cant and never will, i want to hear what others dreams and wants are that they can't do aswell,,

there's a lot but i just want someone to talk to for a little bit

 

[LostSoul1965]

Hello. I am always around to chat if you need/want to.

 

[coffeebeany]

I m here to chat if you need

 

[AllTheseQuestions]

I understand the feeling of seeing potential in others but not in yourself. Wanting to die but hating seeing others dying. Not extending the sympathy you feel for others to yourself. It's a paradox.

 

[maniac116]

Just a thought:
If there are things left that you want to try why don't you stick around until you've had the chance to do them?
I know that for me, checking out is for when there's nothing left to do.
At any rate, whatever you decide on, I hope you find a place of love & peace in the end.

 

[AmIForReal]

You wrote such a beautiful message. So personal and warm. I am moved by it.

i want to hear what others dreams and wants are that they can't do aswell,,

In therapy and online, I did the exercise where one has to dream up a future when unrestricted by today, by yourself etc.
I dream of partner that I crazy love and she loves me. I dream about having done something meaningful where others can build upon. Of having had a meaningful impact in someone else's life.
But then I explain, that rationally it is not for me (or chances are lottery ticket slim) because of who I am.