Venting Some thoughts

[Menschenmühle]

The clock is ticking. I know I don't have much time left. So I come here to write, to vent a bit of the feelings I have left.

Death is a two edged sword. It's comforting to know that there's a way out of this hell. However, it unfortunately comes with the realization that the sum of my experiences, everything that I've went through, all the sentiments that I've held dear to my heart, they all mean nothing. Death erases all suffering, and therefore makes all our sufferings meaningless. You were born, you've gone through a couple horrible years, and then you died. There's no grand plan, no lessons to learn, it just happened. Nothing remains, not even the fact that it happened, for who will be there to remember it?

I think the only method to lessen the burden of this realization is to know that you will forget all about it once you die, even the awareness that it was all for nought.

 

[leeloosnow]

considering existential crisis, absurdism generalizes it into three possible outcomes- 1.ctb 2.religion 3.embrace it. i think it's been beat into our heads that we 'should' or 'need to find' some higher purpose in life, the longing for it burns deep in my own mind. because death is inescapable, there is only time between birth and death that really exitsts, and what fills that blank space qualifies as meaning of life, or at least its a 'best guess' imo. and, only the person subjected to that experience could truly define it, fill in the blank. is it painful? pleasurable? utilized to alleviate suffering of others, or impose cruelty upon them?
so what happens when i stop giving a fk? whether i find elusive ill fitting answers or not, it changes nothing of my experience. so a while back i stopped caring about that. i wouldn't fully embrace hedonism but i do what's best for those concerned in that particular moment. it's really okay, nothing will change no amount of mental masturbation, nor prayer, altho if that comforts someone and doesn't hurt others, good for them. it's an existence of constant evaluation and introspection but the power of no fks given is imo very underestimated.
i hope you find peace whatever your chosen path, and that your experiences are meaningful for you and those you care about.

 

[Menschenmühle]

considering existential crisis, absurdism generalizes it into three possible outcomes- 1.ctb 2.religion 3.embrace it. i think it's been beat into our heads that we 'should' or 'need to find' some higher purpose in life, the longing for it burns deep in my own mind. because death is inescapable, there is only time between birth and death that really exitsts, and what fills that blank space qualifies as meaning of life, or at least its a 'best guess' imo. and, only the person subjected to that experience could truly define it, fill in the blank. is it painful? pleasurable? utilized to alleviate suffering of others, or impose cruelty upon them?
so what happens when i stop giving a fk? whether i find elusive ill fitting answers or not, it changes nothing of my experience. so a while back i stopped caring about that. i wouldn't fully embrace hedonism but i do what's best for those concerned in that particular moment. it's really okay, nothing will change no amount of mental masturbation, nor prayer, altho if that comforts someone and doesn't hurt others, good for them. it's an existence of constant evaluation and introspection but the power of no fks given is imo very underestimated.
i hope you find peace whatever your chosen path, and that your experiences are meaningful for you and those you care about.

The need for a grand purpose or meaning is a personal want of mine, and I believe, for much of humanity. Because without this constant search for meaning, what's the alternate path? It's as you say it, something close to hedonism, for some people it's that longing for childlike innocence and wonder that so many religions exemplify in their conceptions of the afterlife. I can't just stop giving a fuck, I'm in constant anhedonia, my body is crumbling,etc... I simply can't enjoy life. of course if I were to enjoy it, then I would affirm it, but I don't, guess I'm just unlucky?

 

[leeloosnow]

i'm sorry for your pain, friend it's a familiar feeling in a way. i delayed my ctb plans and am currently rationalizing my existence as one of service to others. the gratification of that soothes the sting of life's cruelty for me a bit, not completely tho. i think most people don't care to consider these thoughts you brought up, or they're incapable of identifying the predicament. i'm grateful for the understanding i've cultivated yet at the same time deeply resent the world for giving it.

 

[FuneralCry]

I personally find relief in the thought of everything being erased and being forgotten about, it's all that I wish for and it's simply just the way that life is. Life is just a temporary and pointless concept that exists for no reason, to me the existence of life is a mistake. Our only fate is to die, yet humans often try to attach meaning to this unnecessary experience called life as they find the true meaningless nature of life hard to come to terms with. This can be linked to how humans have an instinct to survive. But to me there really is nothing more comforting than permanent non existence, as at that point we simply won't be there. Nothing could hurt us before we were born and we have no memories of that time and I believe it to be the same after.
I wish you the best.

 

[nolongersuicidal?]

considering existential crisis, absurdism generalizes it into three possible outcomes- 1.ctb 2.religion 3.embrace it. i think it's been beat into our heads that we 'should' or 'need to find' some higher purpose in life, the longing for it burns deep in my own mind. because death is inescapable, there is only time between birth and death that really exitsts, and what fills that blank space qualifies as meaning of life, or at least its a 'best guess' imo. and, only the person subjected to that experience could truly define it, fill in the blank. is it painful? pleasurable? utilized to alleviate suffering of others, or impose cruelty upon them?
so what happens when i stop giving a fk? whether i find elusive ill fitting answers or not, it changes nothing of my experience. so a while back i stopped caring about that. i wouldn't fully embrace hedonism but i do what's best for those concerned in that particular moment. it's really okay, nothing will change no amount of mental masturbation, nor prayer, altho if that comforts someone and doesn't hurt others, good for them. it's an existence of constant evaluation and introspection but the power of no fks given is imo very underestimated.
i hope you find peace whatever your chosen path, and that your experiences are meaningful for you and those you care about.

You remind of me what a foreign friend once told me. The idea of finding meaning in life is very much a western concept/philosophy. Eastern philosophies —from China to India—tend to argue that we are just meant to exist—hence why you see things like monks just spending their days mediating and existing. Makes me think what the world would be like if it was built around how human are just meant to exist rather then humans are meant to find a purpose. I think a lot of us try to find purpose for things we care about in this world, but often issues we care about in this world are not ones that can be resolved by one person or powerless people. If majority of our world's basic problems were solved —access to water, food, shelter, healthcare, end to racial, gendered violence- we wouldn't be going around looking for purpose….becuase the very things that lead us to having purpose would be solved. We could —as Eastern philosophies say—just exist. But I think there are some holes in my logic. Like you could have the purpose of being a basketball player—you're not working to end a world issue. It's just something your passionate about. Something I relaized I have been doing is correlating purpose with career. For some, purpose could exist outside their career and purpose could instead be having a fulfilling family life. Ultimately, I like to side with Eastern philosophies. We should have a world where we can just exist. But considering we're a long road from that, I think one should have the right to decide to exit from it. If we had a world that meet our basic needs, then perhaps we could argue against that. Heck, maybe then even a person may not want to exist. I just think it's so weird that we live in a society that doesn't think one has the right to choose non-existence. Suicide rates exploded during the pandemic across nations. There's a reason people are picking suicide. But that's the solution that many people find for the current state of society. The fact that so many see it as the proper response to the current state of society says something. It definitely says somethings wrong with the state of society. I don't agree with absurdism saying we should embrace it —- at least not in the current state of society. The thing absurdism got right was that life is meaningless. It's such utter bullshit to say to embrace it when embracing it for many people leads us to hit our psychologically and emotionally limits aka non-existence.

 

[makethepainstop]

Perhaps the reincarnation people have something when they say, when you have incarnated enough times, you will be strong enough and wise enough to be able to do wonderful things in the world. But we cannot do them in this life because we are still learning the ropes so to speak. Oh well, who really knows?