Some considerations about the "fear of getting old". Do you agree with this reasoning?

[Brayu]

So... I'm 23 years old. I have some fear of getting old (as I've heard many here)... It's not just because of the appearance or health in my particular case, but because of the temporal distance between where I am and death (unless something unforeseen occurs before and I hope that occur...) and indeed the affliction of the health of someone who has gone before and makes me feel more alone...

But what I realize is that our Western societies also make old age very difficult, because being old in our context is basically being discarded (just as we neurodivers and the disabled are already young). People in a capitalist society only serve if the richest are useful, which means that if you don't have a lot of money your old age will be hell!

In a society with traditional models, like that of Ghana (I quote Ghana because I'm more familiar, but we can apply Africa and Oceania to a large extent), old age is very well regarded and even desired, as it literally nobility. An elder within the Ghana chiefdom institution is usually the eldest in each household (there are variables), having not only respect but an important social role and assisting in community decisions (almost like a local parliament for each chiefdom). Unfortunately, the Western model of society denies old age an entirely passive role of waiting for death (being re-accepted or even having a decent retirement does not change the root of the problem).

That's why I end up interpreting that Africa, no matter how underdeveloped (each country at a different level) has much healthier social relationships in general, reserving a place for everyone (within the community). Perhaps it also lowers the incidence of suicide there (unlike some pro-lives who romanticize poverty and the "struggle for survival").

 

[Brayu]

???

 

[whywere]

Spot on, as I am 65, reference for this post only, and I got laid off after 29.5 years and I like to work as it keeps my mind busy, BUT all I have run into is 100% age discrimination. I had an interview last week where all were in their 20 somethings with mohawks, scraggly beards and some looked like they had not seen a shower in a long time and I got an email the next day saying no thanks. I have over 40 years of business experience and one of the interviewers had 3 months experience. Since being laid off this is what I run into all the time.

I NEVER EVER could care less about age, gender, heck anything, but here in the U.S., since I am 65, "over the hill", I face this each and every day. I guess having gray hair and wrinkles is like a horrible disease.

Walter

 

[chocolatebar]

Spot on, as I am 65, reference for this post only, and I got laid off after 29.5 years and I like to work as it keeps my mind busy, BUT all I have run into is 100% age discrimination. I had an interview last week where all were in their 20 somethings with mohawks, scraggly beards and some looked like they had not seen a shower in a long time and I got an email the next day saying no thanks. I have over 40 years of business experience and one of the interviewers had 3 months experience. Since being laid off this is what I run into all the time.

I NEVER EVER could care less about age, gender, heck anything, but here in the U.S., since I am 65, "over the hill", I face this each and every day. I guess having gray hair and wrinkles is like a horrible disease.

Walter

I never understood discrimination against older people. Does people hate their future selves?

 

[whywere]

I never understood discrimination against older people. Does people hate their future selves?

THANK YOU so, so much. I am so grateful having nice friends like you on SS. I wish you a great week filled with blue skies.
Walter

 

[Ego Sum Medusa]

Your post is sadly true. I am 57 and today is my husband's 70th Birthday. We have a small amount of savings, but nothing near what we'd need to survive for however long that is. He's planning on applying for a part-time job at our local co-op to supplement our savings. But how long can he do that? Work?

I am younger, but too ill and too crazy to work... maybe. I keep thinking about things I can do from home that would let me use spoons when I have them.

Anyway, sorry I drifted off there. Yeah, getting old is a thing, but I don't see why it should affect your decision about ctb because you can do that at any time along the span of your life.

 

[blueclover_.]

I never understood discrimination against older people. Does people hate their future selves?

Even though i'm not siding with the evil corporations, i see the logic behind that. It's not personal. Let's try to look at it from a business standpoint.

All they care about is profit. They need efficient workers and oftentimes old people can not provide that. So when an old person still has a good work performance, they get overlooked because of their peers. Those companies simply want profits, and that's the truth of capitalism.

 

[Brayu]

But that's the question... If you're not useful to capital in a Western society you tend to be marginalized (and this resonates with everything else)

It would be similar to not having the protection of the feudal lord in the middle ages.

When I quote African and Oceanian societies, it is exactly that... they adopt a capitalist system, but the traditional base systems end up delegating to the "old" comfortable social positions (of authority, of participation...). I particularly like to study what were the African empires and kingdoms (and what is left of them, the chiefdoms and "traditional states") and so if what I am talking about.

Here in the West, our value as a person depends only on being economically active or having enough money to play these dirty games (some old and sick people do, but the minority...)

Sometimes I think... who would say that the order of the contemporary era (after the French Revolution) could have some defect, even with all "freedom".

I hate how sick our social relationships are!

Even though i'm not siding with the evil corporations, i see the logic behind that. It's not personal. Let's try to look at it from a business standpoint.

All they care about is profit. They need efficient workers and oftentimes old people can not provide that. So when an old person still has a good work performance, they get overlooked because of their peers. Those companies simply want profits, and that's the truth of capitalism.

Your post is sadly true. I am 57 and today is my husband's 70th Birthday. We have a small amount of savings, but nothing near what we'd need to survive for however long that is. He's planning on applying for a part-time job at our local co-op to supplement our savings. But how long can he do that? Work?

I am younger, but too ill and too crazy to work... maybe. I keep thinking about things I can do from home that would let me use spoons when I have them.

Anyway, sorry I drifted off there. Yeah, getting old is a thing, but I don't see why it should affect your decision about ctb because you can do that at any time along the span of your life.

Anguish and fear of the future (uncertain and often limiting, physical limitations are normal, social limitations shouldn't) make people want CTB even more.

 

[chocolatebar]

Even though i'm not siding with the evil corporations, i see the logic behind that. It's not personal. Let's try to look at it from a business standpoint.

All they care about is profit. They need efficient workers and oftentimes old people can not provide that. So when an old person still has a good work performance, they get overlooked because of their peers. Those companies simply want profits, and that's the truth of capitalism.

Still,, that doesn't explain discrimination even at social situations, but I understand the logic.
What the companies are overlooking is that wisdom and experience can be very well used in work, but all they want are people to do repetitive and heavy tasks, like cheap robots

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Spot on, as I am 65, reference for this post only, and I got laid off after 29.5 years and I like to work as it keeps my mind busy, BUT all I have run into is 100% age discrimination. I had an interview last week where all were in their 20 somethings with mohawks, scraggly beards and some looked like they had not seen a shower in a long time and I got an email the next day saying no thanks. I have over 40 years of business experience and one of the interviewers had 3 months experience. Since being laid off this is what I run into all the time.

I NEVER EVER could care less about age, gender, heck anything, but here in the U.S., since I am 65, "over the hill", I face this each and every day. I guess having gray hair and wrinkles is like a horrible disease.

Walter

I'm sorry. That's ridiculous. You were such an intelligent and thoughtful person. These people would be lucky to have you. I'm rooting for you, Walter…
I basically woke up about six months ago and realized I was in no way prepared for old age. I'm in my 50s but this is something I needed to be thinking about 20 years ago actually. Once you get to be my age, you can lose your job and become unemployable. You need to Either have enough savings or be prominent enough in your career. I am either so I'm totally fucked. That's why I'm on this forum actually. I seen no realistic path forward.

 

[Ego Sum Medusa]

Even though i'm not siding with the evil corporations, i see the logic behind that. It's not personal. Let's try to look at it from a business standpoint.

All they care about is profit. They need efficient workers and oftentimes old people can not provide that. So when an old person still has a good work performance, they get overlooked because of their peers. Those companies simply want profits, and that's the truth of capitalism.

I see your point about looking at hiring from a strictly profit point of view, but what makes you assume that older people cannot be efficient? In fact, they can be efficient and bring many years of experience to many positions.

 

[blueclover_.]

I see your point about looking at hiring from a strictly profit point of view, but what makes you assume that older people cannot be efficient? In fact, they can be efficient and bring many years of experience to many positions.

It's the fact that most old people have health problems, and the ones who are perfectly healthy simply get overlooked at because they are the minority.

 

[Ego Sum Medusa]

It's the fact that most old people have health problems, and the ones who are perfectly healthy simply get overlooked at because they are the minority.

I'm not sure that's true, that most older people have health problems. For instance, my husband is 70 and has none. None. His entire family is this way. It's not a fair assumption. In any event, even if a lot of older people do have health problems, that doesn't mean they can't work around them as they do in their normal lives.

I don't understand the rest of your statement because it doesn't apply to the question of workplace efficiency in older people.

I don't mean to be contrary, :) but am merely giving my opinion about a broad spectrum assumption about older people.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I see your point about looking at hiring from a strictly profit point of view, but what makes you assume that older people cannot be efficient? In fact, they can be efficient and bring many years of experience to many positions.

There's plenty of older people with far more skills than younger people…
But not me.
I wouldn't hire me . Young people have more energy, tech literacy, a better attitude and are cheaper - I could find my way to an income of some sort but would probably require more energy and focus then I have …

 

[blueclover_.]

I'm not sure that's true, that most older people have health problems. For instance, my husband is 70 and has none. None. His entire family is this way. It's not a fair assumption. In any event, even if a lot of older people do have health problems, that doesn't mean they can't work around them as they do in their normal lives.

I don't understand the rest of your statement because it doesn't apply to the question of workplace efficiency in older people.

I don't mean to be contrary, :) but am merely giving my opinion about a broad spectrum assumption about older people.

Well, companies can't really take a chance that an old person might be perfectly fine, they could go bankrupt. I know this is heartbreaking if you're not the CEO, but that's the truth, that's why life is cruel.

 

[whywere]

I see your point about looking at hiring from a strictly profit point of view, but what makes you assume that older people cannot be efficient? In fact, they can be efficient and bring many years of experience to many positions.

THANK YOU!! I am 65, reference point only, and I got laid off, thank you Covid! and I like working as it keeps me busy, BUT all I have run into so far as thanks but no thanks. In fact, I had a person who interviewed me and one of the first things said was that "I was too old for the position!".

It should NOT matter about age, race, religion, anything when it comes to any part of life period. We are all the same.

Again, thank you and have a great upcoming week.

Walter

 

[Harriet]

Spot on, as I am 65, reference for this post only, and I got laid off after 29.5 years and I like to work as it keeps my mind busy, BUT all I have run into is 100% age discrimination. I had an interview last week where all were in their 20 somethings with mohawks, scraggly beards and some looked like they had not seen a shower in a long time and I got an email the next day saying no thanks. I have over 40 years of business experience and one of the interviewers had 3 months experience. Since being laid off this is what I run into all the time.

I NEVER EVER could care less about age, gender, heck anything, but here in the U.S., since I am 65, "over the hill", I face this each and every day. I guess having gray hair and wrinkles is like a horrible disease.

Walter

Grey haired men are silver foxes and wrinkles denote experience and wisdom x

 

[whywere]

Grey haired men are silver foxes and wrinkles denote experience and wisdom x

Thank you so much! You are really a great friend to have. I used to teach computer and PBX (telephone systems) to everyone from 18 to 80 years of age. In my experience it was always about attitude that made the difference in picking up new knowledge, NOT age either way. Walter

 

[Ego Sum Medusa]

THANK YOU!! I am 65, reference point only, and I got laid off, thank you Covid! and I like working as it keeps me busy, BUT all I have run into so far as thanks but no thanks. In fact, I had a person who interviewed me and one of the first things said was that "I was too old for the position!".

It should NOT matter about age, race, religion, anything when it comes to any part of life period. We are all the same.

Again, thank you and have a great upcoming week.

Walter

I'm sorry that happened (is happening) to you. Isn't that straight-up age discrimination, to immediately, at the top of an interview, tell a person they're too old for the position? I mean, Damn.

But what are we supposed to do about it; there's lot of talk about right, etc., but the reality is that it's hard to enforce them as one person alone in the storm.

Anyway, I admire you're trying and think you should keep doing it. There have to be some people out there who see the value of experience.

 

[Deleted member 32964]

There is nothing wrong with getting old. Everyone will.

I keep telling myself that. I've been generally isolated (outside of work and some short-term acquaintances) since I was 25. I had a nervous breakdown. Now (well, I'm 42). I watch age start to be a factor. I lost everything and as we age it is that much harder to recover. It's something I'm not in control of (completely).

I feel OLD. I feel gross. I realize that I'm just going to get even OLDER. Age is a hard concept for me to stray from - I spend a lot of my day thinking about getting OLD.

I am still at a loss and don't know what will happen. Everyone makes me uncomfortable as I am still very vulnerable. I socialize with nobody and when I do I leave feeling invaded. We are not compatible.

I am trying to "meditate" and fight my way out of a hole that I fell into over 3 weeks ago, on the way to a job interview. I turned and caught the bus back home in the opposite direction when I arrived at the location due to anxiety about being a woman, being single, being different from the other conservatives in offices. Being unacceptable. Being old. Being someone with a mix of education, certification and work experiences. Being old. Being stuck with people for good who you don't share culture with. I have been (generally) cooped up in bed since then. I realize how much time and money that is.

I apply for jobs and see that I'm too "old" now. I'm too old for most. Age is not just a number. There are time frames when certain things are feasible and environments and places where it's logical or risky.

I'll have to get up tomorrow and try to feel less old and do something that makes me stay younger and healthier.

Old.

 

[LucieInTheDark]

I'm afraid of aging. When I was little I was afraid of male puberty which hit me and disfigured me. Also I have a familiar history of breast cancer and since I take estradiol I'll probably contract it. I know I won't make it past 55 and I want to be euthanized before I grow old, since I have a tremendous fear of sudden death that's outside my control

 

[Brayu]

I'm afraid of aging. When I was little I was afraid of male puberty which hit me and disfigured me. Also I have a familiar history of breast cancer and since I take estradiol I'll probably contract it. I know I won't make it past 55 and I want to be euthanized before I grow old, since I have a tremendous fear of sudden death that's outside my cois ntrol

My family heritage is not good either... cardiovascular diseases (I probably already have one), kidneys, diabetes, high blood pressure, mental disorders (I already have), stomach cancer. going over 30 is bad but going over 60 scares me...

Maybe if I went to a place that treats elders with honor (Africa or Oceania) I would be more relaxed about it

 

[LucieInTheDark]

My family heritage is not good either... cardiovascular diseases (I probably already have one), kidneys, diabetes, high blood pressure, mental disorders (I already have), stomach cancer. going over 30 is bad but going over 60 scares me...

Maybe if I went to a place that treats elders with honor (Africa or Oceania) I would be more relaxed about it

I'm pretty sure that nobody will take care of me if I grow old. I won't have any children and my family is not on good terms with me so I'll be pretty much abandoned

 

[Sherri]

I personally hope life takes me when I'm 50 if i don't CTB first.

 

[faex42]

I'm pretty sure that nobody will take care of me if I grow old. I won't have any children and my family is not on good terms with me so I'll be pretty much abandoned

I'll be 70 in August. Most of my family has passed. I have some cousins who I get along with but they live in other states. My older brother lives in Vietnam and had a very bad stroke which he has not been able to recover from fully. My friends have their own problems. My relationships ended long ago. I never had children either and I feel that as I keep aging I'll be miserable and alone. I used to want to CBT whenever I had financial problems and when they passed I would feel better. Now I want to escape the misery of being elderly. It could go a lot better than I fear but the thought of ending up in a nursing home makes me not want to take any chances.

 

[LADY007]

I'll be 70 in August. Most of my family has passed. I have some cousins who I get along with but they live in other states. My older brother lives in Vietnam and had a very bad stroke which he has not been able to recover from fully. My friends have their own problems. My relationships ended long ago. I never had children either and I feel that as I keep aging I'll be miserable and alone. I used to want to CBT whenever I had financial problems and when they passed I would feel better. Now I want to escape the misery of being elderly. It could go a lot better than I fear but the thought of ending up in a nursing home makes me not want to take any chances.

I so agree with you !! I feel like I am constantly fighting decline and becoming more vulnerable. Too preoccupied each day with "bailing out" before being enslaved somewhere. I think there is more to fear when you are a woman, too.

 

[Nolan96]

I fear getting old, but it helps to think about how I hated being young even more. Even as a 5-year-old I openly said I hated being a child and I hate feeling so dismissed all the time.

Also isn't it a scarily widespread practice in Ghana for the matriarchal woman of the family to hold down their pubescent daughter or granddaughter and mutilate her genitals? No thank you to those kinds of wise old elders.

I also feel like fear of getting old must be on the rise in our society though. People still in their 20's get laughed at and called geriatric Millennials on social media. That kind of thing didn't happen a decade ago. (Even typing that I can hear "Ok boomer!" in my head.) So we're not alone in our worries I'm sure.

 

[TotallyIsolated]

You're not wrong, but I think its also something to do with lamenting the time that's already past us. I've basically wasted my whole life. I didn't have the experiences one is supposed to have in one's youth and now I never will because I'm too old.

 

[faex42]

There is nothing wrong with getting old. Everyone will.

I keep telling myself that. I've been generally isolated (outside of work and some short-term acquaintances) since I was 25. I had a nervous breakdown. Now (well, I'm 42). I watch age start to be a factor. I lost everything and as we age it is that much harder to recover. It's something I'm not in control of (completely).

I feel OLD. I feel gross. I realize that I'm just going to get even OLDER. Age is a hard concept for me to stray from - I spend a lot of my day thinking about getting OLD.

I am still at a loss and don't know what will happen. Everyone makes me uncomfortable as I am still very vulnerable. I socialize with nobody and when I do I leave feeling invaded. We are not compatible.

I am trying to "meditate" and fight my way out of a hole that I fell into over 3 weeks ago, on the way to a job interview. I turned and caught the bus back home in the opposite direction when I arrived at the location due to anxiety about being a woman, being single, being different from the other conservatives in offices. Being unacceptable. Being old. Being someone with a mix of education, certification and work experiences. Being old. Being stuck with people for good who you don't share culture with. I have been (generally) cooped up in bed since then. I realize how much time and money that is.

I apply for jobs and see that I'm too "old" now. I'm too old for most. Age is not just a number. There are time frames when certain things are feasible and environments and places where it's logical or risky.

I'll have to get up tomorrow and try to feel less old and do something that makes me stay younger and healthier.

Old.

This is a tremendous post. I thank you for your clarity of expressing some sentiments that I share with you but didn't write.

 

[LONE WOLF.]

The worst part of getting old (l am turning 50 in the next two months) is the knowledge that you are still seeing through the same eyes that you have all your life so far, l can still do all the thing's l could do 20 years ago yet l am overlooked because of my age and it bloody hurts, it's humiliating and makes me hate society even more! Like @whywere l have many year's of experience and knowledge but get nowhere because of my age!