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8evergo

8evergo

Mage
Oct 20, 2021
556
I've gotten away dead so many times during my military service, so many times afterwards
this year i become also long covid my lungs failed and my kidneys were only in intensive care for 10 days
for that i get diseases without end dad has the feeling i have to suffer am cursed
I WANT TO GO
 
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Seeking_Peace

Arcanist
May 18, 2022
476
Did you want to ctb before covid? That would have been the perfect way out(avoid treatment). All of my family members had covid except me(my brother had it twice).
 
8evergo

8evergo

Mage
Oct 20, 2021
556
If I should get it again I will refuse ventilation
 
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Seeking_Peace

Arcanist
May 18, 2022
476
Did your lungs feel like burning?
 
8evergo

8evergo

Mage
Oct 20, 2021
556
I didn't really feel like I was dreaming. I only had dreams that were so realistic, and also pleasant dreams and nightmares, but everything was so real, I only felt it every now and then, my breathing was difficult. Today I have trouble breathing when I exert myself
they tied me up in bed when i was in a coma because i pulled everyone out and wanted to go away
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
45,042
It seems as though many people who want to live die from disease and yet those who want to be gone are stuck here, having to find a way to exit themselves. Life is just unfair like that. It does sound horrible dying from a disease but at least it would mean that I would not have to go through the process of planning ctb and worrying about the method failing. It is so awful how it is difficult to leave this world. I wish that dying was as easy as just wishing to be gone.
 
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8evergo

8evergo

Mage
Oct 20, 2021
556
I think the same, you don't want to live and life grabs you like a tentacle
if someone wants to live, you die faster than you think