GTNHisLOVE
Lowlife Pianist
- Mar 10, 2024
- 39
Social Media sounds (or sounded) like a good idea, to be honest;
Online platforms for millions of people to communicate with each other, share content or knowledge, discuss and debate important topics, etc..
That really doesn't sound bad, right? It's easy to overlook what humans are capable of when they're hidden behind a screen, represented by mere pixels displayed on your monitor/screen. Absolute strangers, NPCs, randos, weirdos and creeps, influence you on a daily basis. You know nothing about them, but the way they talk to you, the way they look or sound… everything influences you.
I wonder where/how/what I'd be today right now, if I never downloaded Discord, Twitter, TikTok, etc, or if I never joined various forums online. Would I have found out about me being trans (just for example)? I didn't know about trans people at all, until I made my first queer friend at the ripe age of 14 on Discord. They "educated" me on the topic and.. would you look at that! One year later, at 15 years, I found out I'd much rather be a girl.
What if I never met them? Would I still be who I am today? I'm sure theres a possibility that I wouldn't have changed anything about myself. I probably would've never even considered hurting myself just to get my mind cleared. I would've never considered abusing substances to get away from my thoughts. I would've never considered suicide? I don't know about that one.
Everyday I'm confronted with people who have everything I would ever want to have. They all look so pretty, so perfect, they all do what I want to do. Looking at them for hours on end, staring at them, their bodies. It makes me jealous. I'm very much aware that I'll never be like them/have what they have. I know, yeah. I still long for it. I still cut myself because I don't look like TikTok person xyz. I still take drugs because Discord person abc looked cool doing that. I still starve myself because Twitter person 123 has a 13 BMI. I still want to hang myself because I will never, never ever, have and be what I want to have and be.
I get shown that the things I want are very real, oh yeah. They're definitely real things. Many people have them. But I don't, and I never will.
I'll never be at peace if it keeps going like this. There's only one way to eternal inner peace.
Online platforms for millions of people to communicate with each other, share content or knowledge, discuss and debate important topics, etc..
That really doesn't sound bad, right? It's easy to overlook what humans are capable of when they're hidden behind a screen, represented by mere pixels displayed on your monitor/screen. Absolute strangers, NPCs, randos, weirdos and creeps, influence you on a daily basis. You know nothing about them, but the way they talk to you, the way they look or sound… everything influences you.
I wonder where/how/what I'd be today right now, if I never downloaded Discord, Twitter, TikTok, etc, or if I never joined various forums online. Would I have found out about me being trans (just for example)? I didn't know about trans people at all, until I made my first queer friend at the ripe age of 14 on Discord. They "educated" me on the topic and.. would you look at that! One year later, at 15 years, I found out I'd much rather be a girl.
What if I never met them? Would I still be who I am today? I'm sure theres a possibility that I wouldn't have changed anything about myself. I probably would've never even considered hurting myself just to get my mind cleared. I would've never considered abusing substances to get away from my thoughts. I would've never considered suicide? I don't know about that one.
Everyday I'm confronted with people who have everything I would ever want to have. They all look so pretty, so perfect, they all do what I want to do. Looking at them for hours on end, staring at them, their bodies. It makes me jealous. I'm very much aware that I'll never be like them/have what they have. I know, yeah. I still long for it. I still cut myself because I don't look like TikTok person xyz. I still take drugs because Discord person abc looked cool doing that. I still starve myself because Twitter person 123 has a 13 BMI. I still want to hang myself because I will never, never ever, have and be what I want to have and be.
I get shown that the things I want are very real, oh yeah. They're definitely real things. Many people have them. But I don't, and I never will.
I'll never be at peace if it keeps going like this. There's only one way to eternal inner peace.