I became a Christian last October and it went good for the first 4 months and then uncontrollable sobbing followed for the next months. The sobbing has sort of subsided now and I am I just having fits of rage, mostly hitting myself, screaming and punching. I cannot talk either because it just comes out not even making sense. I have slurred speaking and confusion. My friend who is the only other Christian in my life has advised me to get a deliverance but they are stalling because they want a specific person to deliver me online. Idk how to explain a deliverance but it is like this ??
Idk anything. I am convinced it's a demon but other Christians online have told me. It's because of me but really no other solutions other than just distraction. I give them the idea since the problem is "because" of me. I should get rid of me to solve the problem. But with no avail they just say it's a sin. Which suicide to me isn't an unforgivable sin. I don't want to die in my heart but Im afraid these rages will drive me into an actual suicidal rage which I will regret. I don't even know why I feel this way I don't want to kill myself but I am in so much pain mentally. I think I would describe it as flipping a switch.
Idk anything. I am convinced it's a demon but other Christians online have told me. It's because of me but really no other solutions other than just distraction. I give them the idea since the problem is "because" of me. I should get rid of me to solve the problem. But with no avail they just say it's a sin. Which suicide to me isn't an unforgivable sin. I don't want to die in my heart but Im afraid these rages will drive me into an actual suicidal rage which I will regret. I don't even know why I feel this way I don't want to kill myself but I am in so much pain mentally. I think I would describe it as flipping a switch.
