So Tired of This

[Fentanull]

Since I got out of rehab, I;ve woken up 5 times now to someone having found me and fucking narcanned me. Nothing sucks quite like finally being gone from this shitty world just to be snatched back into this miserable goddamned world, instantaneously forced into the most intense withdrawals imaginable and a bunch of douchebag cops sitting around trying to get you to snitch on someone for selling you fentanyl. That's all anyone gives a fuck about is whether or not you can help them further their career by ratting on someone for "causing" you to put a pill up your nose that you intentionally and of your own accord put in your nose in the first place. I spent the last $10 to my name on a pill, just for some fucking stranger to call the ems on me and undo what very well could have finally been my fatal OD. I don't have anywhere to do the shit alone because I'm effectively homeless, I'm too pussy to jump in front of a train or a truck, can't afford a gun... Goddamn I just wanna be dead, dude- I don't have anything left in the gas tank and nothing is going to get better. I've spent 27 agonizing years on this earth being absolutely miserable, 20 of those years literally praying for death every day and I feel like there IS a God, and he's just fucking perched somewhere making damn sure I don't get to resolve this suffering no matter how endless and insurmountable it never ceases to be. I'm sorry for this post, I'm just venting at this point- but goddamn it sucks to spend the last dime you had to you had to your name just to feel better only to be yanked back and instantly MORE sick than you were in the first place... Fuck me.

 

[Hope:-)]

I'm sorry to hear of that. I'm currently living in a hostel feeling like I'm climbing the walls. All I do is stay in my room. Gotta be the palest person in the biggest heatwave. If rehabs anything like that then that sucks.

It's a shame they're more interested in where you got the drug :-/

 

[Fentanull]

I'm sorry to hear of that. I'm currently living in a hostel feeling like I'm climbing the walls. All I do is stay in my room. Gotta be the palest person in the biggest heatwave. If rehabs anything like that then that sucks.

It's a shame they're more interested in where you got the drug :-/

Tbh, I feel like rehab wasn't really that bad- I'm just the type of person to make the worst out of anything, y'know? I appreciate the kind words, though- and I sincerely hope your situation, however dire it may be to have brought you to this website, ends up getting even a little better for you. Not because I'm a pro-lifer or anything like that (obviously), but just because I sincerely don't wish for any poor soul out there to wake up everyday and go through being as miserable as I am. I hate it bad enough for myself, but I'm not a good person tbh- and I see so many people on this website who really do seem to be genuinely good people and it really just irks me that life can be so unfair as to result in them suffering with this miserable condition I know the feeling of having been cursed with.

 

[8evergo]

I realized the fact is if you are a good person you have a bad life to endure in this fucking hell

 

[FuneralCry]

Life does just seem to be endless problems and suffering with no escape from misery. It sounds like you have been through a lot and it is understandable as to why you would be so tired. I think that the right to die should always be respected, nobody should be forced back into this world against their wishes. I hope that in whatever happens, you find relief from what you are going through.

 

[HopefulButPrepared]

Since I got out of rehab, I;ve woken up 5 times now to someone having found me and fucking narcanned me. Nothing sucks quite like finally being gone from this shitty world just to be snatched back into this miserable goddamned world, instantaneously forced into the most intense withdrawals imaginable and a bunch of douchebag cops sitting around trying to get you to snitch on someone for selling you fentanyl. That's all anyone gives a fuck about is whether or not you can help them further their career by ratting on someone for "causing" you to put a pill up your nose that you intentionally and of your own accord put in your nose in the first place. I spent the last $10 to my name on a pill, just for some fucking stranger to call the ems on me and undo what very well could have finally been my fatal OD. I don't have anywhere to do the shit alone because I'm effectively homeless, I'm too pussy to jump in front of a train or a truck, can't afford a gun... Goddamn I just wanna be dead, dude- I don't have anything left in the gas tank and nothing is going to get better. I've spent 27 agonizing years on this earth being absolutely miserable, 20 of those years literally praying for death every day and I feel like there IS a God, and he's just fucking perched somewhere making damn sure I don't get to resolve this suffering no matter how endless and insurmountable it never ceases to be. I'm sorry for this post, I'm just venting at this point- but goddamn it sucks to spend the last dime you had to you had to your name just to feel better only to be yanked back and instantly MORE sick than you were in the first place... Fuck me.

im currently having oxy withdrawal - so fuckin nasty waking up at 2am to withdrawal - like I've got the flu and all my muscles won't stop spasming - I just bought 2k worth of oxy - just thought fuck it ill stay on it then die when it's about to run out