So... suffering is the only reason we want to ctb?

[S1mpleme]

I doubt that happiness is the reason to CTB. Suffering, no perspectives for a better life, for someone even to be like in hell.

 

[Dystopic_Momento]

I'm so sad and so mad at the way society has become, just reading your story altered my heart rate significantly. I wish that I could win the lottery and somehow create more affordable housing everywhere.

DV survivor shelters are so much better/safer/cleaner than a regular homeless shelter. Homelessness is terrifying, and so much more dangerous if you are a woman.

For now, please try to come up with a plan B

Thank you so much for being human. <3 It means a lot. I don't hear sympathy anymore-just the fake non-sympathetic kind. It feels alone.

I've been to DV shelters before when I left him, and they always want to know if you're in any imminent danger at this very moment. As in, is he outside your bathroom with a gun sort of stuff.

If I'm alive, my section 8 doesn't transfer. I've been declared an able bodied adult so there's no more aid. No healthcare, no nothing. It didn't take Trump to do it, it was in our state before that.

I knew the minute the judge started yelling at me at the hearing that I was going to lose but now I have the letter. The lawyer hasn't answered any of my phone calls or emails since the denial, but he said immediately after the hearing that if we contest it #1 we go in front of the same judge and #2 it'll be 18 months before it'd be seen in court.

We can't even afford to move our stuff to storage (no friends no car/no one in the apt can drive), and the one of us who has current SSI will lose a lot of SSI.

Any DV shelter would split us up because they are adults.

I wish heavily curses worked, because I'm bitter enough at what was done to us to wish that, too. Forgiveness just isn't in me anymore.

I'm terrified of homelessness here. A violent city. We have no car, no shelters here take you if you cant work and don't yet have SSI and even the ones who do only take you for 3 months. There are already a lot of abused women who are homeless here. I'm terrified for the ones that aren't scary.

I've searched for every piece of help in the area but most of them are referrals to more referral places (it's a government aimed scam to get grants and not do anything) and the rest find loopholes so the don't have to help. They all give you the same printouts and don't actually do anything.

When things get this bad, you don't have friends left. I needed this so much. Thank you.

I feel like the people in charge of doling out help want us to die and I'm angry they won't help by just flat out admitting it and giving us a clean, fast, humane way to do it. They'd rather kill us slowly with homelessness. A lot of the homeless kill themselves, and they can't even have the internet to get here.

 

[Hopeindeath!]

For me, it's lonliness and sadness. I see no future ahead for me. I'm eighteen and I don't think I'll ever achieve what I've wanted to achieve since I was the age of thirteen. It's some of the experiences that I've been apart of and have witnessed. I haven't felt like myself in years, and I'm not sure why, but I'm shameful to tell people this. I'm not motivated, I'm always tired, and the first time that I started to feel less and less of myself, I went through this very VERY emotional stage. I have no idea why and it was at the very beginning. Not a day would go by that I didn't sob. I feel so unlike myself now at this point and can't deal with some of my experiences any more that I think impulsively and end up doing things I know I shouldn't be doing. I've screwed everything up, and I'm not the same person I once was. I never would've done any of the things that I would have a year ago. I'm ashamed of myself and that's where I'm conflicted.

Maybe seeing a doctor would help you find out why all these things are happening. I'm sorry you are suffering, and I hope it gets better for you.

 

[purplemoon]

Thank you so much for being human. <3 It means a lot. I don't hear sympathy anymore-just the fake non-sympathetic kind. It feels alone.

I've been to DV shelters before when I left him, and they always want to know if you're in any imminent danger at this very moment. As in, is he outside your bathroom with a gun sort of stuff.

If I'm alive, my section 8 doesn't transfer. I've been declared an able bodied adult so there's no more aid. No healthcare, no nothing. It didn't take Trump to do it, it was in our state before that.

I knew the minute the judge started yelling at me at the hearing that I was going to lose but now I have the letter. The lawyer hasn't answered any of my phone calls or emails since the denial, but he said immediately after the hearing that if we contest it #1 we go in front of the same judge and #2 it'll be 18 months before it'd be seen in court.

We can't even afford to move our stuff to storage (no friends no car/no one in the apt can drive), and the one of us who has current SSI will lose a lot of SSI.

Any DV shelter would split us up because they are adults.

I wish heavily curses worked, because I'm bitter enough at what was done to us to wish that, too. Forgiveness just isn't in me anymore.

I'm terrified of homelessness here. A violent city. We have no car, no shelters here take you if you cant work and don't yet have SSI and even the ones who do only take you for 3 months. There are already a lot of abused women who are homeless here. I'm terrified for the ones that aren't scary.

I've searched for every piece of help in the area but most of them are referrals to more referral places (it's a government aimed scam to get grants and not do anything) and the rest find loopholes so the don't have to help. They all give you the same printouts and don't actually do anything.

When things get this bad, you don't have friends left. I needed this so much. Thank you.

I feel like the people in charge of doling out help want us to die and I'm angry they won't help by just flat out admitting it and giving us a clean, fast, humane way to do it. They'd rather kill us slowly with homelessness. A lot of the homeless kill themselves, and they can't even have the internet to get here.

I cannot even begin to fathom those depths of unfairness; I wish some news agency or even talk show would take on your story. I'm hearing from you that such a predicament echoes similar stories out there.

I don't understand what else people are supposed to do, if the system and culture is so ruthless and heartless... people cannot just live for years or the rest of their lives on the dangerous, uncomfortable, miserable streets. I would kill myself faster, and frankly i don't blame anyone else for wanting that relief. The evil effects of other people's cruelty is absolutely unforgivable. It doesn't have to be like this but they choose to be heartless.

The only cities i know of that have fairly decent shelters are in small towns. If there is any way you can afford a greyhound bus to anything and ever want to consider trying it just PM me.

For now just know that the good people are scattered but we are still around, like many on this site.

If i had the power to change it all, i would.

 

[TAW122]

I think that there are more reasons than just suffering. Sometimes people can see the futility of life and that life has no (inherent) meaning or purpose thus wishing to end. The latter part (meaning and purpose) is why religions have their place in the world, to create a meaningful purpose and also to discourage people from taking their own lives through guilt, threats of force (via the state and/or community/society), shame, and fear (if you CTB, you go to hell/suffer some eternal punishment, etc.). I don't believe in a god, and I do believe that religion is something that man has created in the ancient days to instill meaning and purpose into one's life. Then as religion and society grew, the collective (society and state) does anything for the interest of itself rather than the individual.

 

[chris8000]

My answer to this question is yes, but the answer depends on how you define suffering.

@thrw_a_way1221221 Some people would define suffering also to include 'wishing for annihilation' or the end of existence, which is just another desire at the end of the day. Each psychological desire creates suffering because you don't have that thing yet.

Then there is physical suffering, which is like pain and so on, another type. I'd combine those types together and say yes, suffering is the reason people want to CTB.

 

[purplemoon]

I think that there are more reasons than just suffering. Sometimes people can see the futility of life and that life has no (inherent) meaning or purpose thus wishing to end. The latter part (meaning and purpose) is why religions have their place in the world, to create a meaningful purpose and also to discourage people from taking their own lives through guilt, threats of force (via the state and/or community/society), shame, and fear (if you CTB, you go to hell/suffer some eternal punishment, etc.). I don't believe in a god, and I do believe that religion is something that man has created in the ancient days to instill meaning and purpose into one's life. Then as religion and society grew, the collective (society and state) does anything for the interest of itself rather than the individual.

I believe in God, but respect your beliefs completely. I agree with your points about the futility of life as well.

especially since I have no children, feel like the continuous efforts required to survive daily are so absolutely exhausting, on top of my PTSD and physical pain. Many people outside of this forum (over the years) will say without much real thought 'well, that's life', and to them I say "well, I don't want life' and the net gains are so small after all of my efforts, with the costs, frustrations, my needs almost never being met, are all massively outweighing any brief moments of joy or comfort.

Then to think of how all of that will increase exponentially, on top of getting older and even more fragile, with finances being infinitely impossible to overcome unless I get a better job... it all just becomes pointless. In fact, unless I get a very good job (excellent conditions, pay, and for me, most importantly deeper meaningful access for a good cause)... I'm out of here as soon as I get my SN, hopefully within a month-ish, timing it to be sure my mother and sister will be as okay as possible. I may even just pretend to be 'lost' in the mountains or something, have to think /plan out what will be the least upsetting to them. Actually, I should probably just make it seem like I am in Europe for a while...

As many other people on here have reiterated.... What is the point?

Why continue to endure never-ending stress that is overwhelming, with virtually zero gains? For what? For occasional comfort about 10% of my time? With 90% nonstop pressures, dangers, exhaustion, emptiness, and stress? So I can say at the end of the day that "i'm alive"?!?

Being alive is the problem. Freedom exists (at least for myself and my spiritual experiences) in my physical death, to finally liberate my soul that yearns for peace.

While I'm certainly not looking forward to any physical pain or discomfort associated with getting my body to die... I do look forward to the final result... Freedom to Fly Away from this physical realm I'm trapped in.

I never found a decent husband (not perfect, just decent!), have seen way too many times how true friends are rare, people get ripped off half the time at jobs, or those they had hope in... I'm tired of saving myself over and over for what? Just for more empty days, more lies from people I tried to trust and love? No thanks, I'm done, been done for years. It never gets better, just worse.

It has nothing to do with my subjective feelings, it has EVERYTHING to do with REALITY.

This is not 'depression'... My environment, my society, my experiences with others SHOWS me there is NOTHING here for me in this ridiculous place.

Sometimes I just shake my head, reminding myself that those who really think I'm 'just depressed' are nuts;
why would I want to stay where I'm constantly frustrated? Where the environment provides little to nothing for my needs? For my joy? I want to get off this ridiculous 'island' we know as 'life'. There is a MUCH BETTER life called the "After Life"... out of this physical world.

Seems like most on here can relate, regardless of their religious beliefs, just the idea of growing older and more exhausted physically and emotionally, seems absolutely pointless. What's hilarious to me is how some people (not on this forum) make weird assumptions about suicide like 'they should get counseling' or they had 'low self-esteem'. LOL Are you kidding?!?

I totally love who I am, weakness & strength, and respect who I have become despite the odds and obstacles. I have very high self esteem, which is part of why I look forward to getting out of this realm.

We / I deserve so much better than this place.

So do many others here. We deserve happiness, peace, and joy. This place does not give it to us. So why stay in a horrible place?

Why not just be free from this physical realm forever?

 

[Saddad]

I've mainly observed these issues (in no particular order) singularly and combined or mixed:

• Guilt
• Regret and/or Shame
• Physical illnesses/injury/disease/chronic pain
• Botched surgeries/intrusive medical procedures gone wrong
• Mental illnesses/depression, etc.
• Loss of loved one(s)
• Financial woes
• Dysphoria (gender and otherwise)
• Trauma(s)
• Addiction(s)
• Psych meds' ill effects
• Misdiagnosis
• Loneliness, despair
• Anhedonia
• Apathy
• An overriding feeling of not belonging.

I'm sorry if I forgot yours. It wasn't intentional. There are certainly other reasons.

Good list, I can tick 6 of those off..

 

[Quarky00]

Not "people feel bad". Intense long complex pain with no prospects. Future is crucial element here. So not just feeling bad, and not 'simple'.

 

[Epsilon0]

I want to CTB because I am trapped in a situation without escape. It's a long story, but it to sum it all up, I have a chronic illness since 2010 which makes every day a struggle. I have been fighting tooth and nail, I have given it my all, I've gone all in with a "mind over matter" type of attitude. Now 10 years down the line, I feel I can't do it anymore. I am drained. I ... am ... so ... tired ... of ... all ... the ... suffering...

 

[purplemoon]

I want to CTB because I am trapped in a situation without escape. It's a long story, but it to sum it all up, I have a chronic illness since 2010 which makes every day a struggle. I have been fighting tooth and nail, I have given it my all, I've gone all in with a "mind over matter" type of attitude. Now 10 years down the line, I feel I can't do it anymore. I am drained. I ... am ... so ... tired ... of ... all ... the ... suffering...

Physical pain/disability is extremely difficult for the majority of people. Let me guess... some told you years ago to "just think positive" or "look at the bright side" (where?) or "it could be worse"... ??

I sympathize. I know it's very difficult...

 

[Epsilon0]

Physical pain/disability is extremely difficult for the majority of people. Let me guess... some told you years ago to "just think positive" or "look at the bright side" (where?) or "it could be worse"... ??

I sympathize. I know it's very difficult...

Thank you for your kind reply, @purplemoon

It was actually self-imposed. I was determined to beat the odds, which I did for a long time.

The "some have it worse"-argument never worked on me, because all I can think is: ok, if others have it worse, then this world truly is atrocious, and I want to ctb even more.

 

[Sensei]

Cemented life situation. Inevitability.

 

[Dystopic_Momento]

I cannot even begin to fathom those depths of unfairness; I wish some news agency or even talk show would take on your story. I'm hearing from you that such a predicament echoes similar stories out there.

I don't understand what else people are supposed to do, if the system and culture is so ruthless and heartless... people cannot just live for years or the rest of their lives on the dangerous, uncomfortable, miserable streets. I would kill myself faster, and frankly i don't blame anyone else for wanting that relief. The evil effects of other people's cruelty is absolutely unforgivable. It doesn't have to be like this but they choose to be heartless.

The only cities i know of that have fairly decent shelters are in small towns. If there is any way you can afford a greyhound bus to anything and ever want to consider trying it just PM me.

For now just know that the good people are scattered but we are still around, like many on this site.

If i had the power to change it all, i would.

Came back today because it was a really stressful bad day and I'm so grateful for this site and people like you. Thanks for your reply.

I know I'm not the only one who thinks so, but it still felt less alone to hear it's not just me who thinks it's reasonable to stop existing than go homeless.

I don't know if it would give away information too much (this site is google-able to the public if they're so inclined), but my section 8 only goes to the other 2 people in the apartment if I'm dead, but I can't hold it alive because I have no income and am considered an able bodied adult. They can't make it without the section 8.

Talk shows- most people will look at someone who is suffering and imagine they caused it or deserve it. They'll make it up if necessary, but will believe any rumor. Wouldn't be surprised if you've experienced it firsthand. Most everyone here is likely suffering from something big.

 

[purplemoon]

u

Came back today because it was a really stressful bad day and I'm so grateful for this site and people like you. Thanks for your reply.

I know I'm not the only one who thinks so, but it still felt less alone to hear it's not just me who thinks it's reasonable to stop existing than go homeless.

I don't know if it would give away information too much (this site is google-able to the public if they're so inclined), but my section 8 only goes to the other 2 people in the apartment if I'm dead, but I can't hold it alive because I have no income and am considered an able bodied adult. They can't make it without the section 8.

Talk shows- most people will look at someone who is suffering and imagine they caused it or deserve it. They'll make it up if necessary, but will believe any rumor. Wouldn't be surprised if you've experienced it firsthand. Most everyone here is likely suffering from something big.

I understand why people, including myself, would think of choosing catching the bus over becoming homeless, most especially as a woman, as women face multiple and more dangers than a homeless man word. I'm not a political person, but I remember earlier last year that Trump decided to Make it even harder for Americans to get the vital lifeline and some relief of affordable housing and disability benefits, food stamps, deliberately making it more difficult for American citizens who were severely struggling. I don't understand why. Why do that? I'm neither Republican nor Democrat, I don't choose any party, I just go by the integrity or the lack there of of the person in question. I would say that you would be likely one of millions of examples of people that are hit way too hard with these changes.

I am fairly certain that the majority of people who blame the victim, instead of the system or are those in power, are either in capable of facing the truth or they are just lazy/selfish as they don't want to bother processing the facts because then it would be a downer for their day or something, and maybe they power trip over critiquing people that are helpless as a boost to their own ego, a fleeting ego not based on character but on temporary opportunities of stepping on others' pain. Those types of people will never enter heaven, and will be amongst others just like them in the afterlife begging for the mercy they never gave to innocents.

I don't want you to suffer, whether you catch the bus or not... are you sure there's no way you could get a Greyhound bus ticket to a few small towns I could recommend for you? Small Towns that have much safer shelters? Obviously that's not a pleasant experience either, I just decide that you Have to face such circumstances. You can PM me if you would even possibly consider those small towns; it would be a whole heck of a lot safer than most. Totally up to you. I respect your choice whatever it is.

I understand it's difficult no matter what choice you make in the future. It's just a sad revelation that people that are lawmakers choose to do this to helpless Americans able-bodied or Not...Employers discriminate against so many people based on age, weight, ethnicity, etc. and it's very difficult to find a job these days more than ever, so what difference does it make if somebody is able bodied or not?), and then preach to us about how great this country is. How is it great exactly?
With violence all around us and our children? With skyrocketing rents that about half of the population can barely afford and have little quality of life? Or is it so great because we pay basically the same amount of tax that people in Western Europe pay but we get almost none of their benefits or safety nets? Is that why it's so great? Or all the the women and children that get attacked by the huge population of predators and they're traumatized for life? I'm just so sad and angry for you, for me, for everyone.

when I've been in western European countries, etc. while they have some crime that is similar, it's usually a much smaller percentage, whereas in America, it's like an exploding population out of control of predators, bullies, psychopaths, people are really crazy here more than anywhere else I've ever seen. Their craziness and cruelty then creates huge swaths of victims. I mean you have people shooting others because they didn't get enough mustard on their hamburger, or people that do other horrific things to each other over a parking space for example.
I don't see that in most places in the world, it's insane. People that I've never traveled outside of the United States understand as soon as they read it, they know this as well. Your something very wrong and United States, and just like you are I'm fed up with the exhaustion. Sure, there are some nice things about America, But is it really worth it if people can't even let their children playing in their own front yard because they'll be kidnapped by a rapist? Does it make it worth it to have such a great computer and entertainment industry if you have to be frightened every time you go outside your front door who is going to possibly rob you, possibly rape you, harass you, and make everything so unpleasant and often miserable, or you can hardly trust anyone. So do those good things about America make the bad things all worth it? I think not. And what is the point of having some of those good things if more and more Americans are either becoming homeless or they are very close to it? What does all of that matter anymore then at that point?!?

I hope you find some comfort in again knowing that you are also not alone in those feelings as well. Feel free to reach out. Either way, take care.

*hugs*

 

[AlreadyGone]

I can't see anything other than that.

People feel bad->people want to die.
People feel good->people love life.

Is it really this simple for everyone?

Pretty much. I just do not see a situation where a person who is loving life would want to ctb.

 

[Dystopic_Momento]

u


I understand why people, including myself, would think of choosing catching the bus over becoming homeless, most especially as a woman, as women face multiple and more dangers than a homeless man word. I'm not a political person, but I remember earlier last year that Trump decided to Make it even harder for Americans to get the vital lifeline and some relief of affordable housing and disability benefits, food stamps, deliberately making it more difficult for American citizens who were severely struggling. I don't understand why. Why do that? I'm neither Republican nor Democrat, I don't choose any party, I just go by the integrity or the lack there of of the person in question. I would say that you would be likely one of millions of examples of people that are hit way too hard with these changes.

I am fairly certain that the majority of people who blame the victim, instead of the system or are those in power, are either in capable of facing the truth or they are just lazy/selfish as they don't want to bother processing the facts because then it would be a downer for their day or something, and maybe they power trip over critiquing people that are helpless as a boost to their own ego, a fleeting ego not based on character but on temporary opportunities of stepping on others' pain. Those types of people will never enter heaven, and will be amongst others just like them in the afterlife begging for the mercy they never gave to innocents.

I don't want you to suffer, whether you catch the bus or not... are you sure there's no way you could get a Greyhound bus ticket to a few small towns I could recommend for you? Small Towns that have much safer shelters? Obviously that's not a pleasant experience either, I just decide that you Have to face such circumstances. You can PM me if you would even possibly consider those small towns; it would be a whole heck of a lot safer than most. Totally up to you. I respect your choice whatever it is.

I understand it's difficult no matter what choice you make in the future. It's just a sad revelation that people that are lawmakers choose to do this to helpless Americans able-bodied or Not...Employers discriminate against so many people based on age, weight, ethnicity, etc. and it's very difficult to find a job these days more than ever, so what difference does it make if somebody is able bodied or not?), and then preach to us about how great this country is. How is it great exactly?
With violence all around us and our children? With skyrocketing rents that about half of the population can barely afford and have little quality of life? Or is it so great because we pay basically the same amount of tax that people in Western Europe pay but we get almost none of their benefits or safety nets? Is that why it's so great? Or all the the women and children that get attacked by the huge population of predators and they're traumatized for life? I'm just so sad and angry for you, for me, for everyone.

when I've been in western European countries, etc. while they have some crime that is similar, it's usually a much smaller percentage, whereas in America, it's like an exploding population out of control of predators, bullies, psychopaths, people are really crazy here more than anywhere else I've ever seen. Their craziness and cruelty then creates huge swaths of victims. I mean you have people shooting others because they didn't get enough mustard on their hamburger, or people that do other horrific things to each other over a parking space for example.
I don't see that in most places in the world, it's insane. People that I've never traveled outside of the United States understand as soon as they read it, they know this as well. Your something very wrong and United States, and just like you are I'm fed up with the exhaustion. Sure, there are some nice things about America, But is it really worth it if people can't even let their children playing in their own front yard because they'll be kidnapped by a rapist? Does it make it worth it to have such a great computer and entertainment industry if you have to be frightened every time you go outside your front door who is going to possibly rob you, possibly rape you, harass you, and make everything so unpleasant and often miserable, or you can hardly trust anyone. So do those good things about America make the bad things all worth it? I think not. And what is the point of having some of those good things if more and more Americans are either becoming homeless or they are very close to it? What does all of that matter anymore then at that point?!?

I hope you find some comfort in again knowing that you are also not alone in those feelings as well. Feel free to reach out. Either way, take care.

*hugs*

My state already does what our president made changes to do, so I'd be in trouble no matter who made president. I'm not actually able bodied but if Social Security doesn't admit it it doesn't count. They don't have that written down, but it's the answer you get over the phone and sending them proof of disabilities didn't help. So if you're disabled and waiting for a hearing you're able bodied and if you're disabled and a hearing just happened with a judge who was literally yelling at you, and you get turned down, you're able bodied -cutting you off from healthcare and food and money aid. I still have section 8 because unlike the state all you have to do is have a medical professional say in their professional opinion your disabilities keep you from working.

I agree with you, though. It shouldn't matter these days if you're able bodied, given how hard it is to get a job (or two) that will pay enough for you to rent, and moving is super expensive and comes with its own pitfalls when you're poor. For example, if I were able to rent anywhere else (had income) I'd have to "port out" to a place that was "porting in". I have 3 months to do that. Most places that port only do it for short periods of time, and they won't tell you when they're going to start or end. You can only see it as it's happening. Add to that most section 8 houses/apartments have a waiting list. Add to that the cost of moving without knowing months in advance, first and last month's rent and deposit, extra non refundable fees for checking your background (which in our last case were about 100 or slightly more per person per place). And before you do that, you have to travel to the new county/state and sign paperwork. You have exactly three months to not only have a lease, but get the place inspected and if you don't have that done, with very few exceptions (sometimes some of the places will give you extensions) you lose your section 8 and suddenly *everywhere* is out of price. And if the last place you lived decides you owe them for scuffed flooring or whatever, you lose your section 8 anyway for owing money to a past (or present) landlord. I laughed when I read that section 8 was supposed to be a way to allow the poor autonomy and the ability to live where they want. You can literally be set up to port out and have them close the door on you the day before you travel out to sign the paperwork. It didn't happen to us but it could have. Section 8 is set up to keep you exactly where you are (again with few exceptions of some usually bad cities who port in always).

I agree with you in so many ways. I'm angry for everyone and myself, too. I also feel exhausted.

I can't think of a way to get out of this even if I made it to a shelter because I can't reprove I'm disabled without insurance. This was my last time. If I fight it with the lawyer I currently have (and no one else is going to touch it) I'd have to wait 18 months, go homeless, lose everything we've owned, make everyone else in the apartment homeless, live 6 months on the street (somehow) in one of the meanest cities in America for the homeless according to the homeless coalition and see the Same Exact Judge that spent several minutes yelling at me saying I had a driver's license when I didn't?!

or I can refile, at which point they dismiss all prior proof of disabilities because you "agreed" by not fighting with them when you had no way to after being denied. "Free" social security lawyers are a myth. They take money from the wins after a few years have gone by. If your income wouldn't be enough for them, they demand a few thousand on top of that. That's why most of them won't take you until after you've applied badly and failed, because it'll be two years of accrued backpay to get money. And if you're a cessation it means you were on SSI and they reviewed you and you were denied and there's no backpay so no lawyer will take you. You have to defend yourself. They have all sorts of different ways to deny people who need it. The corruption with the courts even goes down to whether or not you hired a lawyer who contributes to a judge's "re election campaign" and how many cases they have in front of a corrupt judge (good luck getting them to defend you if the guy stomped all over your rights and they have several other cases that day, and the judge was a fill in for one who didn't show up).

Normally I'd edit, but I gotta go. Sorry for the too long post.

 

[imcomingtoanend]

i wanna die bc of the pin i've caused others, which i think, for me, is a lot harder of a pill to swallow

 

[porfin1234]

After sabotaging career, finances, home... and living with the reality that I've been delusional and quite toxic most of my life, I rather not be around anymore. Maybe in the next life I will not mess everything good up
Change at this point feels impossible.
It was hard enough when I had stability.
I made so so many good changes last year but totally destroyed it in an instant. Even if I got better it'll just be destroyed again.

 

[Dartz]

Seems about accurate when you boil it down

 

[Shero]

Yep, sometimes the reasons are as simple as that.