SO FULL OF HATE AND ANGER

[Unattainable666]

I've always been a doormat - being raised by a narc put me in that position. I am now so angry that it's so difficult to ctb (planning, fear of failure, etc.) I hate my life. I hate what Ive allowed people to push me to be. I once was a loving, kind, considerate person. Now I just hate - there is nothing in my heart by darkness. My tears mean nothing to anyone. I have no future. People like me (no family) are people perceived as being invisible for so many reasons. I woke this morning with a sense of dread - a sense of overwhelming depression - f wanting so badly to die. I wanted to die with dignity - my last chance to have that - but I can't. I have to plan, buy things I know nothing about - all with the fear of failure. I want death more than anything. I want to see my child again. I want to feel her arms hugging me and I want to hear her telling me she loves me. I've wanted to die for a very long time, but inside my head and maybe even my heart there was a tiny fragment of hope. That is gone. This world has changed me into someone I don't know anymore. All I want is relief from the pain. Thank you all for allowing me to voice how I feel without judgment.

 

[FuneralCry]

To me it's really understandable just wishing for relief from this existence, it must be awful suffering like that, I also despise how it's so difficult to die in this dreadful world. But anyway I hope that you eventually find what you search for.