so empty there is nothing left

[wasteandvoid]

I constantly internalize the environment around me in like a robot and I cant escape and I hate it

I constantly feel asleep while im awake no consciousness no thought only doing what the introjected parts of people around me say

Even with every insight I have found and solved like so much within myself it hasn't done anything and actually has made things worse and more empty

I have no free will of my own I dont care about my own life I dont care what happens to me

My life is worthless I dont really care how I feel I dont really care what happens

Im as worthless as a leaf on train tracks that you pass by and never see again

I dont care if I become the nature around me and just die and decompose




I hate it here ive seen all there is in life that is needed to see and know there is nothing left for me here no reason for me to be here I could be anything and do anything but the offer isnt interesting to me

I dont want it

all I want is to be dead

What is left


The more I gain the more everything becomes pointless its like I wanted the hell all along

Im so restless like I need something to be bothering me so that it can bring meaning to my life

What is there


I know so much I have seen almost everything

I am a slave to what i am "supposed to be doing"



I dont know what is the point without it


i never lived