So close to Christmas

[bpd_notme]

My family is excited for me to get out of treatment so we can do holiday things together, like go cut down a tree.

Guilt has been one or the main things interfering with ctb.

However, I'm in a good situation right now where I have an accessible method combined with being stuck right now in a pit of despair.

Partly I'm just fed up with insurance insisting I don't need treatment when it's so obvious I do.

At least when I'm dead insurance can fuck off. Maybe my parents can sue them for money, idk.

Is it too selfish for me to consider ctb this close to Christmas? Should I wait until January?

I care about my family very much, life is just too unbearable.

 

[SinisterKid]

Only you can answer that question. There is no "good" or "right" time to end your own life.

 

[bpd_notme]

Only you can answer that question. There is no "good" or "right" time to end your own life.

Maybe not, but there are better times than others. For example not on or around a close friend or family member's birthday.

 

[SinisterKid]

Thats very subjective. Its noble you feel that way and I think that answers your question

 

[BlueWidow]

I was planning to ctb as soon as all of my supplies and plans came together. Unfortunately, everything came together right at the beginning of the holiday season. I went back and forth and asked for advice on here as well. I decided to wait until right after the holidays.

I would've liked to go on Dec 27th, my 16th wedding anniversary, but I think people might be expecting that. I've chosen instead to go on January 3rd, 36 years after my first suicide attempt. No one will be expecting me to do it then and I think it's kind of poetic.

I understand your struggle because I struggle with the same thing. It's going to be impossible not to hurt anyone, so I just chose the best date for me that was as far away from any special days as possible.

I wish it was possible to do this without hurting anyone or ruining any special occasions, but our society makes it impossible.

 

[bpd_notme]

I was planning to ctb as soon as all of my supplies and plans came together. Unfortunately, everything came together right at the beginning of the holiday season. I went back and forth and asked for advice on here as well. I decided to wait until right after the holidays.

I would've liked to go on Dec 27th, my 16th wedding anniversary, but I think people might be expecting that. I've chosen instead to go on January 3rd, 36 years after my first suicide attempt. No one will be expecting me to do it then and I think it's kind of poetic.

I understand your struggle because I struggle with the same thing. It's going to be impossible not to hurt anyone, so I just chose the best date for me that was as far away from any special days as possible.

I wish it was possible to do this without hurting anyone or ruining any special occasions, but our society makes it impossible.

Yeah, agreed. It's hard trying to be considerate in our pain. I'm glad I'm not the only one doing this stupid dance.

I attempted in Jan for this reason, and had a near fatal attempt. I waited through the holidays for my family. Since I failed my attempt I am suffering through another holiday season however. This was not in my plan.

I think I will listen to my impulses. If I have the courage to go through with it, no sense in putting it off again.

I'm so tired, you know.

 

[Fragile]

i wouldn't call it selfish, but it will definitely ruin christmas for your family, and since this holiday is supposed to be about family, it will be very hard to enjoy it ever again knowing that a family member died this season.

but i know how you feel, this is getting unbearable in many ways for me but i'll delay my exit because i care too much about my family and ruining that day that is so special to them will be too cruel.

 

[Ritter]

As others mentioned only you can really answer your own question, but for whatever my opinion is worth I think waiting until after the holidays...even if it means suffering for longer. For the loved ones we leave behind the best thing (I think) you can do with them is spending time with them, making memories, letting them know you love them, because when you're gone those memories is all they'll have left.

 

[Moonicide]

The holidays are hard... I'm not close to my family, but I have friends and I know it's going to be hard for them no matter what I do. I am very adamant on ctbing before the New Year. I do not want to be around for 2020.