SN in my PO Box...

[closetoyou]

[fyi: don't bother asking me where i got the SN, ordered it months ago and i'm just gonna ignore ya]

Ordered SN a while back - was supposed to ship ages ago, but for some reason it was stuck in shipping limbo, but apparently it's waiting for me now since a few days back. Part of me thinks it was intercepted at some point and it'll just be an empty box or I'll arrive at the posties and then a bunch of cops will pop out the corner and beat me with a baton but maybe there will actually be the real deal in the box.

I've been feeling low lately (as always...) and I dunno - feels like I should throw it away but man...Having an out is vaguely comfortable (in perhaps a not constructive way but nonetheless). Posting this in recovery because I know I should throw it out but life just feels so exhausting and not worth the effort. The only person I care about hurting is my sister - but that's still one life I could avoid destroying. But this life isn't going anywhere and I don't think it has much left to give.

Feel like bringing it up to my psych but IDK about the logistics of that (SN is illegal where I'm at, would need to throw it out before doing so, etc etc). But yeah - just wanted to vent about this I guess. Can't really talk about owning a poison to kill myself to most people anywhere else y'know lol

 

[car]

Don't do it

 

[RosebyAnyName]

I had a similar situation. Purchased SN, got it shipped to a PO box instead of to my address. Received no notification that I got it. Went to PO box to pick up something else I ordered, found SN too. There were no cops or anyone else to "intercept" me, I just got my stuff like normal. That was almost a year ago now, haven't received a welfare check either.

Might be a different situation for you, but honestly I highly doubt any cop is going to wait for potentially days or weeks just sitting around waiting for someone to pick up a package at their PO box. More likely the worst that can happen is you might get a welfare check later (so I've heard. Again, I didn't get a welfare check myself).

 

[closetoyou]

I had a similar situation. Purchased SN, got it shipped to a PO box instead of to my address. Received no notification that I got it. Went to PO box to pick up something else I ordered, found SN too. There were no cops or anyone else to "intercept" me, I just got my stuff like normal. That was almost a year ago now, haven't received a welfare check either.

Might be a different situation for you, but honestly I highly doubt any cop is going to wait for potentially days or weeks just sitting around waiting for someone to pick up a package at their PO box. More likely the worst that can happen is you might get a welfare check later (so I've heard. Again, I didn't get a welfare check myself).

I was just joking (a bit) haha, but part of me does worry *something* happened - like it was a longggg delay at seemingly every point the package got redirected to. It was supposed to get here in weeks but it turned to months - so there is some anxiety that it got flagged considering I've had a bunch of (legal, non poisonous) stuff shipped to me internationally on time since then.

 

[maylurker]

Having an out is vaguely comfortable

although dangerous if ur an impulsive person