Slipping again post-revovery

[foreverlikethestars]

After almost a year of being almost free from intrusive thoughts regarding ctb, it's all been flooding back the last few weeks and I'm thinking perhaps it's easy to avoid a lifetime of this struggle.

Has anyone else had long breaks from your intrusive thoughts and came back to contemplating again?

 

[PaxAmerica]

Had 18 months of feeling better but now extremely down. More then ever. Cant see me going on much longer

 

[Alwaysdreaming]

I went about 8 months without out those thoughts. Since then it's been consistent. I have gotten better at changeling these thoughts and It can be very exhausting. I hope that you can find the strength to keep on fighting.

 

[IWantToSleep]

I get brief moments of hope then realise it was a delusion and return to wanting to ctb.

 

[western_heart]

It's been on and off for almost a decade for me. Months (maybe even years) went by without any ideation, I think (but I forgot large portions of this time and as of now dissociate pretty hard if I try to read anything I wrote from that period.)

I had a method in 2017, went months between thinking about it sometimes but still felt it was good to have. I got rid of it in 2019 when my life circumstances had changed. For most of that year I wasn't suicidal at all, but it crept back in 2020 and landed me here in 2021.

 

[Foogs]

This process has been my entire adult life. Gets easier each time in a lot of ways but I mean, still might CTB this time sooooooooo not THAT much easier

 

[filthyrottendirty]

Yes it comes in waves or cycles and is greatly influenced by my surroundings

 

[FuneralCry]

In the past I have had time periods where I haven't felt as bad, but it has never lasted for long. Existing can be painful and I just want to fall into a eternal sleep. I think no matter what suicidal thoughts will be a part of me.

 

[Worndown]

Life gives us highs and lows. Did you notice anything that changed in your life recently? Environment, people, food, job, meds? I hope you can return to happier times.