slight change of plans

[gizzreid]

so the plan was to take SN tonight because i was just generally miserable with my partner leaving but... ig we are staying together for the time being cause i'm not gonna be such a dick :D still got the SN for emergencies cause who knows maybe i'm joe goldberg destined to repeat the cycle and honestly i never planned to live to 2024 before he even left. but this way i can stick it out to see my favorite band in june. at least i have the SN now though so if things suddenly get really bad i have a way out and i don't have to deal with extra pain. honestly slightly disappointed in a way considering i had it planned out for awhile.

also a friend caught on to the hinting i was doing and called me a bunch thinking i was gonna do it now since now would be around the time i was gonna do it.. so best i hold off a minute

 

[FuneralCry]

At least you aren't trapped here and still have the option of a way to leave, I see those who have SN as being fortunate in a world where it's becoming more and more restricted. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[Goghni]

Been reading a bunch of your posts and happened to be rewatching a mini-documentary earlier today that I have never forgotten From years ago.



As part of the filming Emily was scheduled for euthanasia but pulled out at the very last moment. She did go through with it eventually after the filming was completed. The experience you're having is in like how someone might become jouyous in their final days provided they do not feel severe physical pains because the end of suffering is now real and near. The runup to the end is the intense portion, getting all your ducks in line, but knowing your just have to let go at the edge of the cliff induces extremely euphoric feelings that provide a nice comfy blanket, especially if you're expecting no fear or notable pain which is what is expected from SN.

Emily describes the frustration of it very well, the natural doubt that begins to arise, and I suppose there's a guilt towards other people for failing to commit which is one of the benefits of telling online strangers your plans. There'll be no judgement, we've all been through the cycle many times to know what you're feeling, the only difference I find there's a little less road after each turn. Some people do find their way, but I think in silence most people don't.

All the best to you.

 

[gizzreid]

At least you aren't trapped here and still have the option of a way to leave, I see those who have SN as being fortunate in a world where it's becoming more and more restricted. But anyway I wish you the best.

definitely fortunate. never thought i'd be here. for the last decade i've been suicidal with nothing remotely lethal, like fuck 80% of my attempts between 13 and 16 were 1) taking an entire bottle of ibuprofen or 2) trying to hang myself in the closet with an old tie. obviously both not gonna work. so having something that actually will do the trick is just… overwhelming in both a good and bad way. thank you

 

[just_so_done]

At least you aren't trapped here and still have the option of a way to leave, I see those who have SN as being fortunate in a world where it's becoming more and more restricted. But anyway I wish you the best.

I feel the same way FuneralCry, I'm forced to live this horrible existence with no way out. Those who managed to get SN are lucky to at least have a back up plan when they want. I wish I had that option and am happy for others but also secretly crying inside (because i dont have any)