Situation turned grim lately :(

[Deleted member 1465]

What a crap situation. Your life seems to be such a struggle I can understand why you feel like you do. And there's so little help, made worse by actually being ill. It's an endless and exhausting fight.
I do enjoy seeing your posts here, you have a unique perspective and I'd hate to see you go. I hope you can find a way to carry on fighting but if you decide to leave then I hope you find an end to the relentless troubles.

 

[Final Escape]

What a crap situation. Your life seems to be such a struggle I can understand why you feel like you do. And there's so little help, made worse by actually being ill. It's an endless and exhausting fight.
I do enjoy seeing your posts here, you have a unique perspective and I'd hate to see you go. I hope you can find a way to carry on fighting but if you decide to leave then I hope you find an end to the relentless troubles.

It's definitely the borderline personality disorder. I have a severe case but yet imalso high functioning in certain ways so it's a real frustrating situation. It's mainly interpersonal relationships that cause my fall down. But I can perform well as far as like persuading pple to do stuff. That might be what saves me. I'm good with people in the short term, but terrible over the longterm.
I smoothed over the situation with my landlord but I wish I had tried to do this prior to just abruptly moving out. He said it's ok if I don't u know do stuff with him. Anyway, I realized this DBT shit cannot be put off. There is a program online for DBT though it's not cheap. But I do this shit like all the time. In a moment of intense emotion I will act without really thinking it through enough and because I have an abnormal fear of not being able to work things out with people this results. I could have tried to maybe try a different way to approach my situation instead of costing myself this way. So now u guys see the full impact and nightmare that is borderline lol! It's such a costly disorder bc of the intensity of emotions and impulsivity, extreme fears. Not to mention it's embarrassing and people around u think u are crazy. You might act crazy but u aren't crazy u just haven't developed adult life skills to handle problems.

 

[mukluk0713]

Sometimes there are roomshares on Craigslist or some facebook groups, if you are considering trying to find alternative housing rather than ctb. Might be able to explain your situation some, my mom managed to find people to help put her up on facebook groups when she was homeless.

But if you do decide to head out on your own terms while you still have your own roof, then I hope it is as comfortable as it can be and a peaceful exit for you. Sending love your way. Staring homelessness in the face is such a hopeless feeling.

 

[k75]

Just a thought I'm sure you've had, but what if you came up with a creative word for what you do that doesn't exactly say what you do for a living? Like maybe just say you work in hospitality or the service industry and leave it at that because it's really none of their business what you specifically do. And technically you're not lying. It's like what people do on resumes all the time.

 

[Pan]

My life changed for the worse after moving out of my exploitative landlord situation. I guess I might have to end it. I was doing so much better after hormone replacement but then this poorly planned move was a lot bigger deal than I anticipated. I'm suddenly very vulnerable to becoming homelessness. I think I hit that situation that broke the camels back where there is no viable options. I'm not even sad just scared that I'll survive. I knew it would be ending for me soon especially after this heartbreak, losing my place to live and work from, isolated from people bc borderline and complex ptsd. I don't know exactly when I'll go but I'm just thinking it over and preparing making sure I do the antiemetics right.

The idea of homelessness terrifies me; if that ever happened to me, I would ctb immediately.