Does anybody believe in signs from the universe when it comes to suicide?
Today is the one year anniversary of my husband's death from cancer. I was just having a little tidy of his craft desk area (my nieces use it to draw, paint, and generally make a mess when they're here) and in one of the drawers I came across some individually sealed sterile surgical scalpel blades.
Whilst I was fully aware that he had stanley blades and craft knives (he taught himself some leather crafts), I had no idea and have never come across the blades.
I have almost successfully cbt a few times in the past, but I am all but sure that these blades were hidden as I am / was a self harmer which was something that caused my husband incredible distress.
I've almost successfully cbt a few times in the past, most 'recently' around a decade ago when I hanged myself, but was cut down by my husband. These times were generally during times when I would somewhat dissociate which isn't the case now. However, I feel myself thinking that going today would, I dunno, make sense?
I've stuck it out for a year, and to be completely honest, I don't have anything or anyone besides my dog to live for anymore, then I get this big BAM kind of obvious sign...message...whatever?
Yeah, that's pretty much it. I needed a rant and I just wondered whether anything like this has happened with anybody else? No ghosts, no dead people feathers, just blades hidden by a man who hated that I'd cut myself.
And because I always think that I looked like some sort of fantasy demon afterwards, here, check out my creepy hanged eyes:
Today is the one year anniversary of my husband's death from cancer. I was just having a little tidy of his craft desk area (my nieces use it to draw, paint, and generally make a mess when they're here) and in one of the drawers I came across some individually sealed sterile surgical scalpel blades.
Whilst I was fully aware that he had stanley blades and craft knives (he taught himself some leather crafts), I had no idea and have never come across the blades.
I have almost successfully cbt a few times in the past, but I am all but sure that these blades were hidden as I am / was a self harmer which was something that caused my husband incredible distress.
I've almost successfully cbt a few times in the past, most 'recently' around a decade ago when I hanged myself, but was cut down by my husband. These times were generally during times when I would somewhat dissociate which isn't the case now. However, I feel myself thinking that going today would, I dunno, make sense?
I've stuck it out for a year, and to be completely honest, I don't have anything or anyone besides my dog to live for anymore, then I get this big BAM kind of obvious sign...message...whatever?
Yeah, that's pretty much it. I needed a rant and I just wondered whether anything like this has happened with anybody else? No ghosts, no dead people feathers, just blades hidden by a man who hated that I'd cut myself.
And because I always think that I looked like some sort of fantasy demon afterwards, here, check out my creepy hanged eyes:
