Venting Sick of trying to be the good guy when it all seems so pointless and I'd rather seek hedonistic pleasure.

[genie]

I'm tired of trying to be the good guy and try and do the right thing anymore when life seems so pointless. Of course I'm not going to actively be horrible to people, but I think I'll give up self improvement on myself (in a spiritual sense not physical). I wanted to try going plant based but life feels too short and I feel sicker without meat. I don't know if we're allowed to discuss substances, but I tried to cut down on a certain opioid like plant but after a couple of bad night's sleep I need a higher dose for pain relief. I'll never have a job (nor do I seek one as I am too socially anxious and broken) and won't have another relationship so what's the point in self improvement? May as well be hedonistic and live for the day. Anyone feel similar?