_Kaira_
This Isn't Fine
- Oct 2, 2020
- 826
"If you hated life, you would've already killed yourself."
I've complained about this before. Quite frankly it's really starting to get under my skin. My parents said this often to me whenever I would look to them for support.
Literally just around 10 minutes ago I got into an argument with my friend that I live with. Nothing unusual, but my anger gets the best of me. But what really set me off was that ever so annoying quote. Followed by me getting triggered by it (they know I fucking hate it), then getting called a crazy bitch that whines too much. We were having a conversation because I was feeling relatively upset after reading about someone's passing on here, so that's why I said I disliked life. I just don't understand why I'm so out of touch with someone who claims they are also depressed and suicidal. You'd think we'd be able to express our feelings and relate more. But talking to them makes me even more isolated, full of rage and sad.
Like...just fucking lol. Why doesn't anyone understand that if killing oneself was simple a lot more of us would go through with it? Not only do I have no ways to ctb painlessly, but I actually fear death. I want to live, I really do. But it just hurts to keep going this way as a prisoner to myself. I'm tired of this bullshit. I don't care for attention, but damn do I wish I had someone IRL I could just express my thoughts openly without one of several BS outcomes happening.
I'm so pissed off right now. So furious I'm actually shaking. I just want to scream, but I'm so drained right now. May just ctb a painful way and get it over with.... this is so stupid to keep living with.
Rant over. I don't expect advice or anything, I just needed to get this off my chest.
I've complained about this before. Quite frankly it's really starting to get under my skin. My parents said this often to me whenever I would look to them for support.
Literally just around 10 minutes ago I got into an argument with my friend that I live with. Nothing unusual, but my anger gets the best of me. But what really set me off was that ever so annoying quote. Followed by me getting triggered by it (they know I fucking hate it), then getting called a crazy bitch that whines too much. We were having a conversation because I was feeling relatively upset after reading about someone's passing on here, so that's why I said I disliked life. I just don't understand why I'm so out of touch with someone who claims they are also depressed and suicidal. You'd think we'd be able to express our feelings and relate more. But talking to them makes me even more isolated, full of rage and sad.
Like...just fucking lol. Why doesn't anyone understand that if killing oneself was simple a lot more of us would go through with it? Not only do I have no ways to ctb painlessly, but I actually fear death. I want to live, I really do. But it just hurts to keep going this way as a prisoner to myself. I'm tired of this bullshit. I don't care for attention, but damn do I wish I had someone IRL I could just express my thoughts openly without one of several BS outcomes happening.
I'm so pissed off right now. So furious I'm actually shaking. I just want to scream, but I'm so drained right now. May just ctb a painful way and get it over with.... this is so stupid to keep living with.
Rant over. I don't expect advice or anything, I just needed to get this off my chest.
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