NeuroDamaged3
Member
- Apr 4, 2021
- 30
I posted my thoughts and mostly full story here https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/has-anyone-been-moved-to-a-permanent-care-home.65877/ but I'm seperating out the suicidal thoughts part into this post.
This is my post my feelings on it. My brain is too fried from prior attempts, and all the pharmaceuticals / ECT they threw at me when the source problem was permanent side effects from being put on Zoloft and Adderall from 20 y/o on and never taken off even though I was fine without them and didn't need them at all in the first place (kinda over-prescribing doctors here I guess).
Anyways. Please read that post, its not too long, for the details. I'm probably headed to a care home if I want to be realistic. Once my brain becomes toxically used to the current meds im on, the akathisia and anxiety will come back, and I'll be able to do nothing but pace... doctors are shit around here and won't prescribe anything but the usual anti depressants and stuff, so I doubt ill be able to access to more specialized drugs that would help Akathisia. My dopamine system is also extremely screwed up and mostly dead - don't feel any associated positive feelings from it anymore. I could drink a beer or smoke a cigarette and feel no rush or anything.
Mother and father don't really care where I end up, just kinda say it's up to me even though I'm too sick to really deal with any of this.
Anyways, I'm probably headed to a nursing / high care facility and I dont even know if those exist to help people like me where I am (ontario, canada). The idea makes me SI, though I dont have it in me to do it anymore. I used to feel it was the peaceful end to my suffering and now I simply fear it, even though to someone doomed to torture for the rest of the life it'd be arguably less suffering.
This is my post my feelings on it. My brain is too fried from prior attempts, and all the pharmaceuticals / ECT they threw at me when the source problem was permanent side effects from being put on Zoloft and Adderall from 20 y/o on and never taken off even though I was fine without them and didn't need them at all in the first place (kinda over-prescribing doctors here I guess).
Anyways. Please read that post, its not too long, for the details. I'm probably headed to a care home if I want to be realistic. Once my brain becomes toxically used to the current meds im on, the akathisia and anxiety will come back, and I'll be able to do nothing but pace... doctors are shit around here and won't prescribe anything but the usual anti depressants and stuff, so I doubt ill be able to access to more specialized drugs that would help Akathisia. My dopamine system is also extremely screwed up and mostly dead - don't feel any associated positive feelings from it anymore. I could drink a beer or smoke a cigarette and feel no rush or anything.
Mother and father don't really care where I end up, just kinda say it's up to me even though I'm too sick to really deal with any of this.
Anyways, I'm probably headed to a nursing / high care facility and I dont even know if those exist to help people like me where I am (ontario, canada). The idea makes me SI, though I dont have it in me to do it anymore. I used to feel it was the peaceful end to my suffering and now I simply fear it, even though to someone doomed to torture for the rest of the life it'd be arguably less suffering.
