Should suicidal parents warn their children?

[SexyIncél]

The conventional wisdom is for parents to not tell children. Maybe that'll spare the child some guilt (for not stopping the suicide)

But the downside: news of the suicide will suddenly smash them. They won't have a chance of any closure

What do you think?

 

[allblackallwhite]

Write a note or record a video. Imo you should never tell anyone before you go.

 

[jodes2]

Write a note or record a video. Imo you should never tell anyone before you go.

I disagree, it's better to tell people if they're old enough to understand

 

[Hollowillow]

If they're under 18 and you're the only parent... It sucks...

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that it's never a good idea to tell family members about ctb plans, it will only make things worse. I think that it's a good idea to write a note which can give an explanation and can act as a form of closure, as it means that those left behind wont be left with unanswered questions.

 

[SexyIncél]

I think that it's never a good idea to tell family members about ctb plans, it will only make things worse.

Interesting, will it be worse for the children, or just for the suicidal person? (Or both?)

 

[melancholic]

My child is the only reason I have stuck around this long. She is a mature, resilient teenager now so I feel a little more comfortable with leaving soon, but I still can't bring myself to warn her beforehand.

 

[FuneralCry]

Interesting, will it be worse for the children, or just for the suicidal person? (Or both?)

It would be worse for everyone, I think. I just think that in general if family members know that someone has plans to ctb they will do everything to stop it. I doubt that in most cases they would respect the persons wishes. We live in a world where suicide is so stigmatised after all.

 

[notofthisworld]

When I attempted suicide 22 years ago, I was not met with compassion. It was anger, disbelief and the conviction that there was something WRONG with me. I think that the concern was mostly for themselves and their sanity than the "value" they perceived my life to have. I do not feel the "unconditional" love that family really should have for one another. I didn't warn them beforehand all those years ago. Now that they know of the higher potential "statistically" of what I was capable of (in doing it again), perhaps they will resist less if I do warn them all this time?

 

[Someone123]

If you tell the children before you leave you put a huge burden on them for life, they wonder if they said or did the right thing could they have stopped you- that would be a terrible thing to do.

 

[TydalWave]

If you tell the children before you leave you put a huge burden on them for life, they wonder if they said or did the right thing could they have stopped you- that would be a terrible thing to do.

This Exactly. Telling people about your CTB plans will not give them solace. The more people know, the more they will regret not doing anything to "help" you. I think telling people would be useful for ourselves to get closure but it definitely leaves others with more baggage to deal with in the end.

 

[spoiledsick]

i have told my children i am suicidal. they are aware i have depression, have been in therapy. my younger child also has depression and self-harm tendencies. nobody ever discussed these topics with me growing up, even though i have been experiencing them all my life. maybe im doing it wrong, but i feel they need to understand these things about the world. i explained to them it is not their fault, there is nothing they could do to change my mind or feelings, and that i love them so much, but the pain of lifelong major depression is equal to that of many other chronic physical illness. if i kill myself, it just means depression won.