Should I Tell My Therapist My Thoughts?

[HangMan123]

Should I tell my therapist about my suicidal thoughts?
I'm getting really worried that I might actually go through with it (CTBing) but I feel too bad for my family, especially with it being so close to Christmas and all.
But if I tell her she'll hospitalize me, right? I'm in the US if that makes a difference.
Also I've been lying to her about it for months now so it'd be super awkward.
Any experience/advice?

 

[nocatwaslost]

Tough one since we don't know your therapist and I guess it will depend on them, what and in which way you tell them.

Do you want to be hospitalized? I mean if you have concrete plans they will probably do it because it is kind of their duty. You could start by saying that you have been thinking about it in a passive way, even if you have lied to them about it in the past. I would recommend opening up if you feel comfortable with them and trust them. You don't have to go all in, maybe slowly opening up about it could be a workaround, although I don't know how urgent it is.

 

[HangMan123]

Tough one since we don't know your therapist and I guess it will depend on them, what and in which way you tell them.

Do you want to be hospitalized? I mean if you have concrete plans they will probably do it because it is kind of their duty. You could start by saying that you have been thinking about it in a passive way, even if you have lied to them about it in the past. I would recommend opening up if you feel comfortable with them and trust them. You don't have to go all in, maybe slowly opening up about it could be a workaround, although I don't know how urgent it is.

I don't know anymore. Maybe being hospitalized is for the best. I really don't feel safe around myself. I'm not scared—I want to die—but I feel so guilty about doing it. Each night I'm getting really close to. I don't know.
I'm not comfortable with them, but I'm about how comfortable I can get with a person. I'm really anxious so, yeah.
Thanks a lot for your reply. I'll probably do some research about laws and hospitalization.

 

[nocatwaslost]

Knowing that I can only do so much from far away I am a bit at a loss, just like you. But from reading your texts, I would recommend telling them. What have you got to loose? I would try it before you CTB. Maybe they are understanding and won't hospitalize you. I hope you find a way to take a bit of the pressure off.

And just to share my experience: I have told my therapist and he was very understanding and listened to me and asked me about these thoughts. But they were mostly passive, so there was no need for an hospitalization. But in that moment it helped me to let it out and tell somebody.

Sending hugs and wishing you the best

 

[MyLifeisHell]

It doesn't matter if it's awkward. There are reasons why you have been reluctant to be forthcoming with her and now you are being honest shout your pain. Therapists shouldn't demand immediate honesty about anything let alone something that comes with dire consequences.

I think it is right to tell now. You have control over how you frame it. Don't mention any sort of concrete plans (methods or dates). Speak about it in more passive terms and strongly deny throughout any sort of real intention to follow though.

BUT if you are truly deathly afraid that you cannot trust yourself to keep yourself from making an attempt and you do NOT want to die, then you should strongly consider admitting yourself.

You can also write me and we can try to work through a "safety plan".